Monday, July 8, 2013

Rowan Atkinson: Bitter Wedding Speech


The following item arose at a dinner last night and is therefore dedicated to Paul, a good man . . .

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Rowan Atkinson has the ability to captivate simply by talking and by facial expressions, sans props and sets. As Paul pointed out, Dave Allen had a similar ability.

Here is Rowan Atkinson’s bitter wedding speech as the father of the bride, see it by clicking on:


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Ladies and gentlemen, and friends of my daughter. 

There comes a time in every wedding reception when the man who paid for the damn thing is allowed to speak a word or two of his own. 

I would like to take this opportunity, sloshed as I may be, to say a word or two about Martin. As far as I'm concerned, my daughter could not have chosen a more delightful, charming, witty, responsible, wealthy, let's not deny it, well-placed, good-looking and fertile young man than Martin as her husband. 

And I therefore ask the question "Why the hell did she marry Gerald instead?" 

Because Gerald is the sort of man we used to describe at school as a complete prick! 

If I may use a gardening simile here, if his entire family may be likened to a compost heap, and I think they can, then Gerald is the biggest weed growing out of it. I think he's the sort of man people emigrate to avoid.

I remember the first time I met Gerald, I said to my wife, she's the lovely woman propping up that horrendous old drunk of a mother of his, "either this man is suffering from serious brain damage or the new vacuum cleaners have arrived." 

As for his family, they are quite simply the most intolerable herd of steaming social animals that I have ever had the misfortune of turning my nose up to. I spurn you as I would spurn a rabid dog. 

I would like to propose a toast... to the caterers. And to the pigeon who crapped on the groom's family's limousine at the church. As for the rest of you around this table not directly related to me, you can sod off. I wouldn't trust any of you to sit the right way on a toilet seat.

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Some Rowan Atkinson factlets:

  • Born 1955, attended Newcastle University and Oxford University where he earned degrees in electrical engineering. Whilst at university he wrote and performed comedy revues.

  • Big break in 1979 when he co-wrote and appeared in Not the Nine O’Clock News, which won an International Emmy Award and the British Academy Award for "Best Light Entertainment Programme of 1980." He also personally won the "British Academy Award" and was named "BBC Personality of the Year" for that show.

  • Main roles and works (first year and first appearance only given):

1994: Four Weddings and a Funeral

1995: Thin Blue Line

1997: Mr Bean

1999: Blackadder

2001: Rat Race (one of my fave movies)

2003: Johnny English

2003: Love Actually  (another that I really like)

  • Retired Mr Bean in 2012: "Apart from the fact that your physical ability starts to decline, I also think someone in their 50s being childlike becomes a little sad. You've got to be careful."

  • Suffers from a stutter so uses over-articulation eg, on the B sounds, as a means of control.

  • Married makeup artist Sunetra Sastry in 1990 and remains married, with 2 children. Note: model Gemma Atkinson is not related to him, despite emails that circulate alleging she is his daughter and despite having the same surname. 

Rowan Atkinson with daughter Lily and wife Sunetra at the premiere of Johnny English Reborn in London in 2011.

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