Friday, July 18, 2014

Funny Friday




A couple of days ago I came across an old Sherlock Holmes joke again, a goodie despite being an oldie. It is the first item posted below.

That started me wondering whether there were other jokes featuring the ace detective.   The result of my searches is posted below but one word of explanation, there is no Corn Corner this week because so many of the posted items would qualify for that category.

Enjoy.


* * * *
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." 

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.  Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."

* * * * *
* * * * *
Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven. There is a brouhaha. Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem. Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls. It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly.

The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him. "Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."

* * * * *

* * * * *
One day, Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were doing their usual investigative business, when they uncovered an unusual painting.

At first glance, it looked like a picture of normal oak tree, in the middle of a wilderness, but if one looked closer, one could see that it was a remarkable painting. The tree trunk was actually made of fire, and its branches were made of ice, clouds and earth.

"What is it, Holmes?" asked Watson in awe.

"It's an Element tree, my dear Watson," replied Holmes.

* * * * *

* * * * *
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are taking a trip across a desert by hot-air balloon. There are not many landmarks; so eventually, they become lost. Luckily, while flying quite low, they see a man.

Holmes shouts, "Sir, could you please tell me where we are?"

The man looks up, yells at them “Throw down 100 pounds”, which they do, and he calls out "Gentlemen, you are in a hot-air balloon fifty feet above the ground."

At this moment, a burst of wind picks up the balloon and carries it away.

Holmes turns to Watson and asks: "My friend, do you know who that man is?"

"No, Holmes, of course not!"

"He's a lawyer!"

"Holmes, that's incredible! But how do you know?"

"It's very simple, Watson. First of all, the man’s advice cost us a lot of money. Secondly, his answer was absolutely correct. And thirdly, the advice he gave us was of no practical use, whatsoever!"

* * * * *

* * * * *
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were called to a park in London to investigate a crime involving an unusual tree. The ABC Tree, as it was called, had the unique ability to actually grow all the letters of the alphabet. Shockingly, however, it seemed that someone had plucked most of the letters from the tree.

Watson approached the tree and examined it closely. "My goodness, Holmes!" he exclaimed. "It appears that some ne'er-do-well has stolen all but the twelfth, thirteenth, and fourteenth letters of the alphabet. What do you make of that, Holmes?"

Holmes sucked at his pipe contemplatively for a moment before answering, "Why, it's an LMN Tree, my dear Watson."

* * * * *
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are busy with yet another complicated case. Suddenly, Holmes seizes a chunk of blood-spattered limestone from the ground.

"What is it, Holmes?" asks Watson, eagerly.

Holmes turns and replies, gravely, "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."

* * * * *
Watson walked up to Holmes' house in Baker Street to find him painting the door a shade of yellow. 

"What are you doing Holmes?" he enquired. 

"Lemon entry, my dear Watson, lemon entry." 

(And yes, I do know that there is a more risqué version that involves Holmes and Watson with a lemon meringue pie).

* * * * *













Corn Corner

Oh, all right, we will have a Corn Corner. And you don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to suspect that therefore the item below is even cornier than the ones above . . .

One snowy night, Sherlock Holmes was in his house sitting by a fire. All of a sudden a snowball came crashing through his window, breaking it. Holmes got up and looked out the window just in time to see three neighbourhood kids, who were brothers, run around a corner. Their names were John Crimson, Mark Crimson and Paul Crimson. 

The next day Holmes got a note on his door that read "? Crimson. He broke your window." 

Which of the three Crimson brothers should Sherlock Holmes question about the incident? 

Answer:

The note translates to “Question Mark Crimson. He broke your window.”



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