Friday, October 24, 2014

Funny Friday



(Caution - risque language below)


The above image was sent to me by Byter Giovanni. It shows his latest tatt and it was done in China. He accompanied the message with the comment that it took 3 hours, that it hurt big time and that in Oz the tattooists won’t do neck tatts unless you are already 75% inked.  I haven't heard of that as a hard and fast rule and I believe it may be a shop policy of some tattooists that G struck.

Here is a  pic of G getting the work done:


So that's how Giovanni rolls, with carnivorous roses.


That's how I roll . . .

An alternative expression is "That's how I roll, motherfuckers..."

Some definitions from the Urban Dictionary:

That's how I roll: 
That is how I like to do things. I know I'm always wearing a bathrobe but that's how I roll.

Whenever you give a reason to an answer.
Jane: Can I have some chips? Johnny: No! Jane: Why? Johhny: Cause that’s how I roll

Popularized by Jack Black in his "Anchorman" cameo after he punts Baxter off the bridge.
It means "that's how I do things, if you don't like it, too bad. I am an independent person and I scoff at your preconceived notions of society."
Ron Burgundy: "Wait, what are you doing?!" (Jack Black punts Baxter, Ron's dog, off the bridge) Jack: "That’s how I roll"


Some "That's how I roll" items for Funny Friday:

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I pushed Oedipus down a hill.

That's just how I roll motherfuckers.

* * * * * * * *
The wife just said, "Why do you always show me disapproval using facial expressions?" 

"That's how, eye-roll." I replied

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A combination of rotation and translation of an object with respect to a surface, such that the two are in contact with each other without sliding. 

That's just how I roll.

* * * * * * * *
I'm an obese, quadruple amputee. 

That's just how I roll.

* * * * * * * *




and one that was in Bytes only a few weeks ago:


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Not everyone will find the above items funny, although I do, but that's how I roll . . . for those who did not like them, a couple of more traditional humour items:

* * * * * * * *
Two elderly Jewish ladies meet on a street corner. 

"So Sadie, how's by you I haven't seen you in years?" 

"Marvelous, Rivkah, things couldn't be better! My son Harold is an Accountant making lots of money. My daughter Cynthia married a rich man, and both of my children have given me beautiful grandchildren and so much naches...but enough about my joys...so what's by you and your family?"
 
"Oy Sadie, don't ask! Me, I have such tsores!" 

"Nu Rivkah, I'm so sorry to hear that; but what kind of tsores?"
 
"It's my son Arnold. He revealed to us that he's a faygeleh." 

"Oy, a faygeleh, what a disaster!" 

"I know, but we do have a consolation..." 

"Vos for a consolation with a faygeleh?" 

"Well, he's going with such a nice Jewish boy who's going to be a doctor!" 

Naches: pride or pleasure, especially at the achievements of one's children. 
Tsores: problems, difficulties 
Nu: So! Or Well! 
Faygeleh: male homosexual 

* * * * * * * *
Joe was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awaking around eight p.m. 

As Joe threw on his clothes, he told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. 

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. 

"Darling," replied Joe, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." 

His wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf! 

* * * * * * * *
A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning. The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house."

"I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!" The Reverend replied, "Sir, please, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!" "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, that I put $5,000 in the collection plate." The Reverend's eyes opened wide as he remarked, "No Shit!"

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Corn Corner:

#1:

Square: 'Why do you only have one round edge?'
Circle: 'That's how I roll.'

#2:

Q: What does a Jewish pirate say?
A: Ahoy vey!

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