Friday, May 29, 2015

Funny Friday


Today's theme: Superheroes.

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The Flash is patrolling Central City, travelling so fast that he is not even visible, hence his name: The Flash. As he passes Wonder Woman’s apartment he looks in her window, stops a little bit and backs up, looks again. Lying on her bed is Wonder Woman, sans clothes with her legs apart. Overcome by lust he has his way with her at supersonic speed and is out of there. “Did you hear something?” asks Wonder Woman. “No, but Christ it hurt!” responds The Invisible Man.

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I think my daddy was a superhero!

I found a white costume with a mask and hood in the loft.

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My wife is a superhero, Iron Woman. 

Her powers get my shirts crease free.

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There had been an orgy at Vallhalla. The next morning there are prone bodies around the place and quite a bit of disarray. As the bleary eyed God of Thunder tries to get up from a pile of people, a nearby hungover goddess raises her head and and says “Who are you?” 

“I’m Thor,” he replied.

“You’re thore?” she says. “I can hardly pith."

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How do they signal for Batman during the day?

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Three drunks are standing on top of the Empire State Building. 
The first one says to the other two, "You know, it's a funny thing about these wind currents. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up to the top of the building!" 
The second drunk says, "You're crazy!" 
The first drunk says, "I'm serious! Watch!" The first drunk jumps off of the building, and the wind carries him right back up to the top! 
The second drunk says, "Let me try!" 
So the second drunk leaps off of the building and promptly falls to the street below, landing with a hideous SPLAT! 
The first drunk smiles, clearly amused. The third drunk looks at him and says, "You know, Superman, you can be a real jerk when you're drunk!" 

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Corn Corner:

Because some of the superhero jokes I came across were too corny to post in the main segment, I dropped them into Corn Corner.  rather than elect just one, here they all are:

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If I was a superhero, I'd be Aluminum Man. 

My superpower would be foiling crime.

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If I was a superhero, I'd call myself Ironic. 

So that when there's trouble and I'm running away, people will be like. "Isn't that ironic?!"

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I went to the Video Shop the other day. I said, "Can I take out Batman Forever?"

They said, "No, you have to bring it back tomorrow."

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"Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?" asked my mate Dave.

"Go on then," I replied.

"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!" 

I said, "That's Superman."

He said, "Thanks, I've been practising."



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