Ahoy, maties! Today, 19 Septemberrr, be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I have written about the day beforrrre and said that any parrrrty that won’t parrrtake be a scurvy bilge rat:
Here be some pirate humour for the day, and I’ll have the gizzard of anyone that say they have read them in Bytes beforrre, even if they have . . .
A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye. Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said, "Come over here friend. You look like you've had a hard life and I'd like to buy you a drink." The pirate came over and ordered rum. "Just out of curiosity," the man said, "how did you lose your leg?" "Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that timber to a tiger shark in the Caribbean when I was thrown overboard for stealing a man's rum." "That's just terrible. How did you lose your hand?" the man said. "Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that fighting cannibals off Madagascar under Admiral Hawk."
"Oh my!" the man said, "I can't even imagine! How did you lose your eye?" "Arrrgh! A seagull shat in it!" said the pirate. "A seagull!" the man exclaimed. "Is seagull poop dangerous?!" he asked. "Nay, matey, it was me first day with the hook..."
A pirate goes to the doctor, worried the moles on his back are cancerous. "It's okay," says the Doctor "They're benign." "Count 'em again, Doc," says the pirate. "I reckon there be at least ten"
A pirate eye chart.
I spoke to a Chinese bloke in the pub the other night. I asked him what he does for a living and he said, "I'm a pirate." I said, "Oh, you sail on a boat." He replied, "No, I fry pranes!"
I bought a DVD last night, it was so blurry I had to watch it with one eye closed...
It must be a pirate.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants." The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."
No sir, I said 'pirate ship.' Why on earth would I call you a 'pile of shit'?
Enjoy the day me hearrrties.