It's the day when people put on fake Irish accents and turn everything green.
So what better theme for Funny Friday.
O’Malley is leaving his favourite bar when he is run over by a bus. He gets to the gates of Heaven and St Peter tells him he cannot enter unless he passes a test.
O’Malley agrees to try.
St Peter decides to go easy on him. “What has five fingers and is made of black leather?” he asks.
O’Malley scratches his head, thinks hard and finally gives up.
“It’s a glove,” says St Peter. “Let’s try again. What has 10 fingers and is made of black leather?”
O’Malley is clearly stumped. After a few minutes of pacing in a circle and scratching his head, he gives up.
“Why, it’s TWO gloves – don’t you see? Ten fingers, black leather?” says St. Peter, amazed.
Being in a generous mood, St Peter decides to give O’Malley one final chance and thinks of an even easier question.
“Okay. Who is the patron saint of Ireland?” he asks, thinking surely O’Malley can’t miss this.
“It wouldn’t be three gloves, would it?” says O’Malley.
Paddy was in New York, patiently watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, “Okay pedestrians”. Then he’d allow the traffic to pass. He’d done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted “Pedestrians” for the 10th time, Paddy called over to him, “Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?
Two Irishmen looking for work see a sign that reads TREE FELLERS WANTED.
“Oh, now, look at that,” said Paddy. “What a pity there’s only de two of us!”
'Ah, good morning, Mrs Irwin, and how is everything?'
'Sure and I'm having a great time of it between my husband and the fire. If I keep my eye on the one, the other is sure to go out.'
'I'd like some nails,' Michael asked the man at the hardware store.
'How long would you like dem?' asked the assistant.
'Forever, if dat's all right wid you,' said Michael.
An Irishman stumbling home one night trips and falls into the woods. When he awakens in the morning he sees that he has passed out trapping a Leprechaun beneath him. The man being hungover and not realizing his luck offers the little elf his last touch of whiskey and offers to pay him for his trouble if he only had any change.
The Leprechaun asks how his wife is going to respond to his being out drunk all night, to which he replies that he has no wife nor girlfriend to answer to.
The man apologizes and hurries away without getting his three wishes. The Leprechaun decides to grant the man three wishes of his own choosing because he seemed a worthy soul.
"A purse that is never empty, a flask that is always full and a woman to warm his bed at night." says the Leprechaun.
Several months pass and the little elf is curious. So, he finds the lucky Irishman one night walking home and asks. "So, how are ya since last we met. Have ye any coin in ya purse?"
"Aye" says the gent, "More than I can spend."
“And whiskey...can ya spare a drink?
"For sure, for sure, there's always aplenty."
“And women, how about them?
"Aye, at least two or three nights a week”, to which the Leprechaun says, "What...only two or three nights a week? That's not exactly a lot."
The Irishman says, "Aye perhaps, but that’s twice as much as the other priests in me parish."
An announcement came over the loudspeakers at Tullamarine airport.
'Next plane for Athens with be at seven o'clock'.
'Next plane for London with be at eight o'clock'.
'Next plane for Dublin with be when the big hand is pointing straight up and the little hand is pointing at the nine'.
An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St. Patrick's Day, 'he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.'