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Welcome to the first Funny Friday of 2022, Byters.
New Year’s Day 2022 fell on a Friday but I used that day to finish the list of those who departed this mortal coil in 2021.
Speaking of which, and appropriately for Funny Friday, “mortal coil" is a poetic term for the troubles of daily life and the strife and suffering of the world. It is used in the sense of a burden to be carried or abandoned. To "shuffle off this mortal coil" is to die, exemplified in the "To be, or not to be" soliloquy in Shakespeare's Hamlet.
So let’s forget the mortal part and simply shuffle off the coil with some Funny Friday humour.
And a happy new year readers.
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SOME HUMOUR:
What do you call a tennis player who doesn’t get vaccinated?
No-vac Djokovic
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A dwarf enters the library.
“A book on discrimination of dwarves, please,” says the dwarf.
"Third row..." replies the librarian, "top shelf."
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Australia denied entry to Djokovic, they were like...
"Novak seen, No Entry"
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I have CDO.
It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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Yesterday I gave my phone, watch and wallet to a poor guy…
You can’t imagine the happiness I felt as I saw him putting the gun back in his pocket.
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What’s the most positive thing about 2022 so far?
COVID tests
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A farmer walks up to the front door of a neighbouring farmhouse.
He knocks on the door and a young boy, about ten years old, answers. "Good morning, sir," he says.
"Good morning," the farmer answers. "Can I speak to your father?"
"Sorry, but no," says the boy. "He and Ma went into town."
The farmer then asks, "Is your brother Jimmy here?"
"No, he went into town with Ma and Pa," the boy says.
The farmer stands there shuffling his feet for a bit, and then the boy asks him, "Is there something I could help you with?"
"Well," the farmer says, "apparently your brother has gotten my daughter pregnant."
The boy replies, "You'll need to come back and speak to Pa about that. I know he charges $200 for the bull and $400 for the stallion, but I don't know what he charges for Jimmy."
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
To continue the comments from yesterday about the Art of the Fart, how I don't mind a joke about the anal trumpet but my wife Kate is, like Queen Victoria, not amused . . .
There was a young man of Rangoon
Whose farts could be heard on the Moon.
When you'd least expect 'em,
They'd burst from his rectum
With the force of a raging typhoon.
The subject matter has inspired me to verse so here is one I have let rip . . .
I come from a land down under
Where women glow and men plunder,
But my good wife Kate
Likes her humour quite straight,
Not about people farting like thunder.
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GALLERY:
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CORN CORNER:
Waiter: “how would you like your steak, sir?”
Diner: “Like winning an argument with my wife”
Waiter: “Rare it is, sir.”
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“LOL stands for laugh out loud and BRB stands for be right back but what does IDK stand for?”
“I don’t know”
“Alright fine I’ll ask somebody else.”
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Why should you never mess with an Italian pastry chef?
Because he'll beat the foccacia.
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My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink…
No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the cinema.
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If a deaf person has to go to court...
Is it still called a hearing?
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I just watched an Australian cooking show and the audience cheered when the chef made meringue.
I was surprised...usually Australians boo meringue.
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