The Lone Ranger

 

A couple of days ago I posted some old pics and used the expression “Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear.”  

Younger readers will not recognise it.  Older readers will remember it as part of the opening of each episodes of the Lone Ranger, in its day as well known as the opening of MASH.

Here are some trivia items for those who have never heard of the Lone Ranger and for those at the other end of the scale, like me, who remember watching it on the TV as kids, albeit as reruns. 

Hi Yo Silver, away. . .

(Bear in mind that life was simpler then.  No one seemed to question that a a guy would travel the American Wild West wearing a jumpsuit and a mask, riding a big white horse like Gandalf, with an Indian as a partner and firing silver bullets.)

Funny Friday - The Bricks and the Barrel

   

For the last two days I have had to post a risqué content caution.  Today makes it three days.  I am not on a risqué kick, it just happened like that. 

For Funny Friday I was going to post some unsafe work practices pics which had been sent to me in an email. 

That brought to mind the story referred to most commonly as The Barrel and the Bricks.  It can be found in may versions – English, American, Irish – but in my opinion the best remains Italian, the way in which it was sent to me many many years ago by Byter Phil.  It was sent to me so long ago that it was sent by fax, there were no computers in offices, and I still have the fax today, faded and  dog eared.  Hey Phil, see if you remember the story, below. 

It’s quite non PC.  It’s dated.  It’s funny.

I will post the work pics next week, for today enjoy the story of the brick laden barrel . . .

Four Letter Words, Euphemisms and Poetry

Caution, the following item contains strong language.

 

In the opening words of the Matt Taylor song, I remember when I was young . . .

How Gordon Chater was suspended from Sydney television for saying “bum” in the Mavis Bramston Show. How Graham Kennedy was banned from doing further live television because he imitated a crow call in 1975: “Faaaark! Faaaaark!”  It was the first time the word had been uttered on Australian TV.

Today the attitude to swear words is much more relaxed, as a quick look at some of the foreign dramas and English text on SBS will show. The focus is now less on swear words and more on intolerance. The f word and the c word are now of less concern than, for instance, the n word.

Which raises another interesting aspect.

Someone once told me that swear words in western society are based on sex, whereas in Scandanavian countries they are based on religion. I have read that this is correct, so the question arises: Does the fact that western swearing refers to bodily parts and bodily functions have an implied assumption or a basis that sex is considered profane or dirty? There may be a thesis there.

I don’t want to raise the ire of Byter Steve, who said to me in an email this week “I sometimes find the Bytes a little too long, so I save them up if I am busy, and there are days when I just don’t get to them at all. I think I said once before, I like quickies during the week, and long slow ones at the weekend. . .“ 

(The spirit of Mrs Slocombe lives in Steve).

Mrs Slocombe, Cats and Pussies

 
Caution: risque subject matter follows...

I was driving to work t’other day when an ad came on the radio for Are You Being Served, the classic Brit sitcom that aired between 1972 and 1985.  For those unfamiliar with it, the show was set in a department store and featured a diverse range of characters, some that would not be considered PC today.  The characters included Mrs Slocombe, the head of the ladies department; Mr Humphries, a mincing effeminate, camp chap and Captain Peacock, the manager who never actually saw service.  A chief characteristic of the show was its sexual innuendo and double entendres, which would also be non-PC today.  Mrs Slocombe was renowned for changing her hair colour and her devotion to her cat, which she always referred to as her “pussy”.  That is what caught my attention to the car radio ad:  Mrs Slocombe calling out “Has anyone seen my pussy?”  See another example at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgqLLbaQHz8

Which started me thinking:  Why is the female genitalia referred to by that word?  What is there in common with a feline?

Old Photographs

 

Time for some more old Sydney pics. . . 

Does anyone else have a fascination for old photographs, to look back at moments frozen in time and realise hwo much things have changed, to wonder what they will look like in the future?  Or to see old photos of people and wonder who they were, what became of them, whether they had happy lives or sad... I know Byter Carla does because she has mentioned to me that the vintage pics are some of her favourite items.

It’s even more fascinating when the photographs are of scenes that we know well. 

Because the photographs are all local, an apology to overseas subscribers who will not know the locales depicted.  They are quite well known areas in Sydney for the locals.  I will do an overseas selection in the near future.

Click on the photographs to enlarge.  Although not all will increase in size, some of the ones below will enlarge to a significant extent and are worth looking at in greater detail.

Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear.

King Street, Sydney, c 1890

Although the caption endorsed on the left of the pic refers to the District Court in King Street, Sydney, the building on the left with the arches is actually the old Supreme Court building. 

Thoughts on Perfect . . .

  

Lyric from "Awful, Beautiful Life" by Darryl Worley

Balls, Hearts and Minds

 

"Cuius testiculos habes, Habes cardia et cerebellum"
If you have their balls, you have their hearts and minds. 

“If you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.”

(Variations:  some versions replace the word “If” at the beginning of the quote to “Once” or “When”).

The above quotation, widely quoted during the Vietnam War, has an uncertain origin.

The political concept of “hearts and minds” is that protecting and helping civilians will assist in bringing the population onside and bring about a local or national change of allegiance. 

Some comments: 

Trees: In Memoriam

(The following post is lengthy, I make no apologies for that.

As always, click on the images to enlarge.  Not all will enlarge.) 

Byter John sent me an email just before Christmas that was headed "Loggers (Not for faint hearted tree huggers)".  This was an onsend, meaning that John merely relayed what he had received.  The photos are amazing, the heading sucks, the issues raised are sad.  I researched the photographs and they are genuine, more about that a bit later. 

The email is as follows: 

When the Northwest logging industry was still young. . .

Just look at the length of the hand saw they needed. . .

Funny Friday

 

Patient: Doctor, doctor. I've come out in spots like cherries on a cake.

Doctor: Ah, you must have analogy.

A letter from Grandma: 

Dear Granddaughter

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed!

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed!

I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Grandma

Thanks, guys

  

Thank you to Byters Doug and Diane, who sent me complimentary emails (ie containing compliments, not that they were free), in response to my complaint yesterday that there is little feedback until I miss something or make an error, then everyone is onto me like a ton of bricks. 

I appreciate your comments, Doug and Diane. 

The item was tongue in cheek, as indicated by the smiley emoticon near the end: :-) 

Don’t think I am disgruntled, crabby or bitter, far from it. 

Cheers.

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields and,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand. 

-         Irish blessing

Mick Corby

 

I am presently reading Eamonn Duff’s book Sins of the Father, which was given to me for my birthday.  It is, to quote the words on the cover of the book, “the untold story behind Schapelle Corby’s ill-fated drug run”.   

For overseas readers, Schapelle Corby is an Australian woman serving a 20 year sentence in a prison in Bali for trying to import 4.2kgs of high grade cannabis into Bali.  Convicted in 2005, she has always maintained her innocence and ran a defence that the cannabis was planted in her boogie board bag. With remissions, she will be eligible for parole in 2024 when she will be aged 46.

A paragraph in the early part of the book about her father, Mick, in his younger days had me chuckling:

Noel Vinall remembers very clearly Mick getting busted by the cops for possessing pot in the early 1970’s.  He says: ‘There’s quite a funny story behind one of those early marijuana convictions.  Mick was on his motorbike, high as a kite, when he smashed straight into the back of a parked car.  He was lying there on the ground.  His leg was messed up and broken and he couldn’t move.  He was going nowhere.  Mick was on his back and as he stared upwards, he could see someone standing over the top og him looking down.  His vision was all over the place, but he could see there was someone standing there.  So he shoves his hand in his pocket and pulls out a bag of grass.  He then holds it up to this fella peering over him and says, “Quick, mate, hide this before the coppers come.”  The bloke standing over him took the grass and said:  “thanks, mate – I am the police and you are under arrest.” ‘

Mick and Schapelle Corby

Some Anecdotes

Let me share with you three personal anecdotes which have a wider, symbolic significance:

#1: A Card -

Yesterday I received a late Christmas card from a friend.  I don’t know why it arrived so late, it was mailed well before Christmas.  It is a beautiful card made entirely by hand by my friend, with gold embossing, quilling, glitter and pearls.  The photograph above does not do it justice, it does not show the sparkle of the glitter or the richness of the gold embossing.

I showed it to two of my colleagues in the office, Mark and Lorraine.

Mark said that it was beautiful but he could not understand why anyone would want to spend so much time on something and go to so much trouble.

Lorraine said that if someone had the time to do it, she could understand that creating such an item could be a joyous experience in itself.

My comment was that Mark’s outlook was reflective of Western society today.  Everything is designed to be faster, cheaper, more advanced, disposable.

It's sad that someone taking the time to create something beautiful is looked upon as odd. 

More Names of Bands and Performers, C - D

Canned Heat	Slang term for Sterno, a commercial jellied alcohol used to heat food, typically placed beneath metal pans on a banquet or buffet line. Strained through cloth (or sometimes even white bread), it can be drunk to get intoxicated. Early Mississippi Delta bluesman Tommy Johnson is said to have drank "canned heat," and wrote his song "Canned Heat Blues" about the nasty stuff. The 1960s blues-rock band Canned Heat took their name from the Tommy Johnson song.
Charles, Ray	His actual name is Ray Charles Robinson, but he did not want to be confused with boxer Sugar Ray Robinson, so dropped the Rosinson.
Cheap Trick	They say the band members asked a Ouija Board what they should call themselves.
Chubby Checker	Dick Clark's wife thought up the name as a take off on Fats Domino.
Chicago	Originally named "Chicago Transit Authority" after Chicago's public transport department, they changed their name to Chicago when the department threatened legal action.   Presumably the citizens of Chicago were thereafter able to sleep safe in their beds, protected by the vigilance of the suits of the CTA.
Chumbawamba	In a band member's dream, he didn't know which door to use in a public toilet because the signs said "Chumba" and "Wamba" instead of "Men" and "Women"

Quote: Happiness

 

- Author unknown

Penny Wise

Byter Enid sent me an email which included the following:

I was at the Men's Workshop at Bowden Brae yesterday and said that I had returned 'like a bad penny'. We then pondered the origins of this saying. Of course, Philip suggested that you were the right person to ask.

One wonders firstly what Enid was doing at the Men’s Workshop and secondly where Bowden Brae is, what the words mean and how it received that name.  Still, that is not the task in hand, which is bad pennies and how/why they return.

 “Come Watson, come!  The game is afoot! Not a word! Into your clothes and come!”

-       Sherlock Holmes, The Abbey Grange

More about names

 

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

-          William Shakespeare

Juliet, Romeo and Juliet 

Bytes has previously written about New Zealanders naming their kids with weirdo and bogan names.  See:

http://bytesdaily.blogspot.com/2011/07/in-case-you-missed-it_20.html

http://bytesdaily.blogspot.com/2010/01/news-bogan-names-in-new-zealand.html 

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity,

and I'm not sure about the former.”

-          Albert Einstein-           

The willingness to name a kid something weird without thought for consequences is not confined to our Kiwi cousins, the Seppos also have their moments (we in Oz may also have our quota but it is not reported).  In 2009  a child named Adolf Hitler Campbell and his sister Aryan Nation have been taken from their family by child welfare workers. The New Jersey, US, Division of Youth and Family Services removed three-year-old Adolf and his younger sisters, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell (named after SS head Heinrich Himmler) from their home but would not provide reasons.  Dad Heath Campbell claims to be related to a member of the SS.  Mum Deborah also has a normal name.  How did all this come to light?  Because Mum and Dad received publicity for making an issue of the unwillingness of the local cake shop to put the words “Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler” on the child’s birthday cake.  According to aggrieved father Heath:  “Other kids get their cake. I get a hard time.  It's not fair to my children.”

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/little-hitler-taken-from-parents/story-e6freuy9-1111118571654 

Funny Friday

 

Today’s Funny Friday is dedicated to my doc, David, who is also a personal friend and a subscriber to Bytes.  He is, to use an expression that in the Australian vernacular is the ultimate accolade, “a good bloke”. If someone is described by another as a good bloke, nothing more needs to be said. 

By the way, does anyone know why doctors are colloquially referred to as quacks?  It doesn't happen as much these days, it was more common when I was younger. . . 

 “Gees I’m feeling crook."

 “Then go see the quack and take a sickie.”

The description of doctors as “quacks” dates from about 1570 and comes from the Dutch kwakzalver, a hawker of salve (kwak – peddle; salve – ointment), and from the Middle Dutch quacken, meaning to brag, boast, to croak.  It referred to a peddler who sold fraudulent medicinal ointments in the street and who made claims of cure-all properties for such items.  The word was also used in England and was translated to quacksalver, having the same meaning but later referring more generally to a fake or unethical doctor.  It was eventually shortened to quack and over time became a colloquial term for all doctors, but still retaining an element of not being genuine.  

Caution:  there are some risque items in the following. 

Origins of Names of Groups and Performers, A-B

     

Abba	Abba is "father" in Hebrew but the band claims that to be unintentional - rather it is an acronym for the first names of the band members: Agnetha, Björn, Benny and Anni-Frid (Frida).
AC/DC	1)  It is said that one of the band members saw it on an appliance and thought it had something to do with power. (It does mean "alternating current / direct current".)  The band used it not realizing it was also slang for bisexual- the band claims NOT to be bisexual.    2)  In the vogue of other anti-everything bands it stands for Against Christ/Devil's Children.
Aerosmith	Joey Kramer came up with the name Aero. One day he and a friend were just throwing out words to go at the end of Aero and his friend said Smith. So that stuck
Air Supply	5 years prior to the band's signing, Graham Russell saw the name in a dream.
Alice Cooper	Alice Cooper was a band before one of its members started a solo career under the same name. Allegedly, Alice Cooper was the name of a spirit members of the band came in contact with through a ouija.

Keep Calm and Carry On

Knowing of my interest in quotations, my wife’s gifts to me for Christmas included two books of quotations.  The first is a 2009 small red book called “Keep Calm and Carry On”.  Its 2010 companion volume is called “Now Panic and Freak Out.”  They are pictured below.

In the months to come I will share some of the quotations from both books with you.  The first book summarises its content on the back of the cover by the simple words “Good Advice for Hard Times”.  The second book has a longer commentary: “Keep Calm and Carry On is all very well, but life isn’t that simple.  Let’s own up and face facts: we’re getting older, the politicians are not getting any wiser, and the world’s going to hell in a handbasket.  It’s time to panic.  Here’s a book packed with quotations proving that keeping calm is not an option.”

What is especially interesting about these books is the cover of the red book.  I will explain.

 In 1939 England went to war with Germany.  Herr Hitler had the intention of invading and occupying Britain but the Brits weren’t about to let Adolf and his jackbooted soldaten march through their streets.  No sirree. 

An Answered Prayer

 

An Answered Prayer

I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brains to work.
I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for patience and God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.
I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favours and God gave me opportunities.
I asked for everything so I could enjoy life. 
Instead, He gave me life so I could enjoy everything.
I received nothing I wanted, I received everything I needed.

- Author unkinown

Rex 'Buckets' Jackson

 

News report, 1 January 2012:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-01-01/rex-jackson-dies-aged-83/3754114

Rex Jackson dies, aged 83 

Rex Jackson, one of Australia's most controversial politicians, has died on the New South Wales south coast at the age of 83.  The former MP, who represented seats in the Illawarra beginning in 1955, held ministries in the NSW Labor government from the mid-70s until his spectacular fall from grace in 1983.  He was convicted of conspiracy as prisons minister for accepting bribes in exchange for letting prisoners out of jail early. He served just over three years of his 10 year prison sentence before returning to Helensburgh and running a hotdog stand.

Happy New Year 2012

 

As we enter another new year, I am reminded, surprisingly, of the words of John Wayne. 

I know that it’s easy to send him up, to regard him as some sort of redneck boofhead who said things such as “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do,”  who upset feminists (story below) and who made the term “Pilgrim” a form of derision.

But he also said a lot of things that made good, sound commonsense.  Those comments will be the subject of a future Bytes post.

The quote that came to mind tonight as I was watching the Sydney fireworks on TV with my wife, Kate, was what The Duke once said about today and tomorrow.  Substitute this year and next year for today and tomorrow and you’ll see that it is quite apt: 

“Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday.”

The words are on the plaque marking Wayne’s grave.

2012 and Mayan Calendars

 

  

Anyone who has seen the movie 2012 will know that:

·         2012 will see the end of civilisation as we know it;

·         the Mayan calendar predicts the end of time will occur on 21 December 2012;

·         the cause will be neutrinos (electrically neutral subatomic particles) from a massive solar flare causing the temperature of the Earth's core to increase.  

So what is the deal with the Mayan calendar and 2012?  Numerous groups have predicted that 2012 will mark the end of the world, a spiritual shift,  a cataclysmic event, a societal upheaval, and so on and so on, the list continues.  The internet is abuzz with it and numerous books and articles have been written about it.  Separate from the Mayan calendar, there have been predictions of a reversal of the Earth’s magnetic field, severe solar storms associated with the 11-year solar cycle (which may peak in 2012), a reversal of Earth’s rotation axis, a 90- degree flip of the rotation axis and bombardment by large comets or asteroids.    In many of these predictions the Mayan calendar prophecy, as it is called, is relied upon or cited as corroboration. 

Some interesting bits: