Funny Friday

----------😊😊😊---------- 

The end of another week and still the COVID-19 situation worsens as the virus spreads and the restrictions become more severe. Not only are we isolating as individuals, countries are isolating from each other, putting up the barricades and locking the doors. 

Today’s Funny Friday is a collection of items about COVID-19 from Bored Panda. 

That is not to demean the seriousness of this scourge or its devastating effects, everyone on the planet will be affected. 

It’s a funny thing, when I Ieft my office late last night, someone else working back (who will be off Friday and back Monday), did not say goodbye but “Stay well.”  I have heard people greeting each other with "Are you well?" and I get asked that a lot at the beginning of telephone calls. Even the greetings and social pleasantries have changed. 

So here are some items, not only funnies but also comments and insights, about COVID-19. Hopefully you and those near and dear to you will be affected as  little as possible.

Stay well. 

----------😊😊😊---------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

For the benefit of Oz readers, Chipotle Mexican Grill, Inc, often known simply as Chipotle, is an Americam chain of fast casual restaurants in the US, UK, Canada, Germany and France, specialising in tacos and burritos. (I looked that up).

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

Etsy is a global online marketplace.

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

----------😊😊😊----------

After I had prepared this post, I received an email from Graham E sending me some more C-19 cartoons  . . . 

Thanks, Graham.

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

---------oOo-------- 

----------😊😊😊----------

LIMERICK OF THE WEEK . . . 

By moi . . . 

Who would have thought it 2 months ago, 

This situation that we now know 

Of COVID-19, 

It remains to be seen 

Where the world and the future will go.

----------😊😊😊---------- 

CORN CORNER: 

Some non-coronavirus items to finish . . . 

---------oOo-------- 

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right. 

---------oOo-------- 

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need. 

---------oOo-------- 

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me. 

---------oOo-------- 

Police have arrested the World Tongue-Twister Champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence. 

---------oOo-------- 

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way." 

---------oOo-------- 

Okay, one more about the coronavirus . . . 

Tell you who I feel sorry for in all this self-isolation stuff. . . 

Julian Assange.

Quote for the Day

More 2 sentence horror stories

There’s something about these 2 sentence horror stories that makes you want to read more, even though they’re macabre and horrible. Much like rubber-necking as one drives past a motor vehicle accident.

Some of the ones below might be regarded as sick, but then you should see the ones I didn’t include.

Some of them also remind me of episodes of The Twilight Zone.

Enjoy.

Or not.

One other thought . . . Perhaps in the context of what the world is going through at the moment, these stories may not be as horrible as the reality we are now daily experiencing.

---------oOo--------

She wondered why she was casting two shadows.

After all, there was only a single lightbulb.

---------oOo--------

Growing up with cats and dogs, I got used to the sounds of scratching at my door while I slept.

Now that I live alone, it is much more unsettling.

---------oOo--------

I just saw my reflection blink.

---------oOo--------

Working the night shift alone tonight.

There is a face in the cellar staring at the security camera.

---------oOo--------

I awoke to the sound of the baby monitor crackling with a voice comforting my firstborn child.

As I adjusted to a new position, my arm brushed against my wife, sleeping next to me.

---------oOo--------

There’s nothing like the laughter of a baby.

Unless it’s 1 a.m. and you’re home alone.

---------oOo--------

They celebrated the first successful cryogenic freezing.

He had no way of letting them know he was still conscious.

---------oOo--------

Nurse’s Note: Born 7 pounds 10 ounces, 18 inches long, 32 fully formed teeth.

Silent, always smiling.

---------oOo--------

“We found your daughter,” the officer said as he drew an X on the map…

…and then he drew another, and another, and another, and another.

---------oOo--------

They say a shiver down your spine means that someone’s walking over your future burial site.

As my husband walks around outside gardening, the shivers won’t stop.

---------oOo--------

I had a dream I was being dragged to Hell, burning and writhing in agony.

I woke up with the doctor standing over me saying “Whew, we’d lost you for a few minutes”.

---------oOo--------

After the final push, I didn’t know what was more frightening.

The fact that my baby wasn’t screaming, or because the doctor was.

---------oOo--------

All I ever wanted was to be skinny like the models, so for my third wish, I told the genie I wanted to lose 50 pounds.

Did you know that one human leg weighs about 25lbs?

---------oOo--------

That awkward girl from high school turned out so smoking hot nobody recognized her.

She was only identifiable by her dental records.

---------oOo--------

I thought telling the genie “I want to live forever” was the ultimate win.

But the universe went dark 3 billion years ago, and I’m desperate for “forever” to get here.

---------oOo--------

I was video chatting and dropped my phone on the floor but as I picked it up, my husband’s face changed.

He held his hands to his lips as if saying to be quiet and, to my horror, he wrote: “There’s a man under your bed.”

---------oOo--------

I received a call from my doctor, verifying that the lumps on my chest weren’t tumours.

They were eggs.

Thought for the Day

From Bored Panda:

Musings

Some thoughts, bits and pieces . . . 

________________________________

“The only constant in life is change.”

-Heraclitus.

Just as 9/11 changed the world forever, the Coronavirus will do the same. 9/11 destroyed our sense of safety and security; the virus will do so even more intensely. For many there will be deaths of family members, friends and relatives, loss of businesses and loss of homes.  Our world has been shaken by this and I suspect that there will be many changes, both flowing from what is happening and from changes introduced that will remain.

________________________________ 

Has this comparison occurred to anyone else?

Plagues of Egypt	In the last few months
Water to blood	Drought
Frogs	Bushfires
Lice	Extreme hail storm
Flies	Floods
Pestilence	Coronavirus
Boils
Hail and fire
Locusts
Darkness
Death of firstborn

________________________________ 

You would have had to be on Mars not to know that Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson have been diagnosed with Coronavirus whilst here in Oz. Both have had to spend time in isolation in hospital in Queensland and have now been released for self-quarantine in their home. 

Last Friday Rita Wilson released her quarantine playlist using songs suggested by members of the public after she issued an invitation, not only for songs but also to name the list. She had been using a temporary title “Quarantine Choruses”. Here is the link for the final 32 song list, now entitled “Quarantunes”: 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6vujSBdZOmLlDZc627sW1A

The playlist features 32 songs and runs for just more than two hours, with classics like Eric Carmen's "All By Myself" and The Beatles' "I'm So Tired," to more modern hits like Miley Cyrus' "The Climb," Destiny Child's "Survivor" and MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This."

________________________________ 

Still on the item of the isolation of Citizens Hanks and Wilson, Tom has been posting daily tweets, one bringing gasps of horror and plenty of responses from the locals because of the image which accompanied it: 

Vegemite, a local spread, is not meant to be applied like Nutella. Instead, it should be applied like this: 

Here is a further guide: 

Even son Colin gave his dad a serve (ha ha) over it, tweeting:

That's Colin on the left . . .

Personally I find Vegemite revolting, it being one of the 2 things I refuse to eat. The other is coriander. 

________________________________ 

Some news sites carried a story that, whilst Hanks was in hospital isolation, "the thoughtful and overworked staff at the Gold Coast hospital have brought Hanks in a Wilson volleyball to keep him company for the duration of his stay." 

This was accompanied by a pic of Hanks holding Wilson, the volleyball, not his wife: 

Unfortunately it’s a beat up by the satirical Oz news website the Betoota Advocate. 

The pic came from a 2015 hockey game where he was presented with the ball with Wilson's face, a la Castaway: 

________________________________ 

One final thing, still on the issue of the Coronavirus . . . 

Some of the main precautions are to limit social contact as much as possible, avoid touching your face and sanitise hands often and well. 

If proof was needed of the hand washing, the fitem below is from: 

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-8118797/Proof-essential-wash-hands-properly.html

A special UV camera was used to test handwashing methods. A gel known as Glo Germ, which simulates how germs cling to the skin and which glows under UV light., was applied. The particles are the same size as germs and show how the different techniques of handwashing are more or less effective in the same was it would be for germs. The whiter the hands in these pictures, the dirtier they are — and the darker they are, the cleaner. 

The following pics and comments are from the article: 

Before washing hands germs on the hands show up as white underneath a UV light 

QUICK RINSE AND SHAKE: 

Research suggests that up to a quarter of us only briefly rinse our hands, but as this picture shows, that is not enough. The rinse and shake doesn't achieve much; after running your hands under the tap for three seconds, hands show up as glowing white under the camera — suggesting most of the germs have been left there 

SIX-SECOND WASH — NO SOAP: 

Six seconds is the average length of time people spend washing their hands. But this is not long enough to remove germs effectively — there is still a high concentration on the backs, around the wedding ring and under the fingernails. Washing the hands for slightly longer has reduced the white areas compared with rinse and shake — no doubt because this time the hands have been dried with a towel. And damp hands transfer germs much more easily so drying them is key 

SIX-SECOND WASH WITH SOAP: 

The most important part of hand washing is using soap — it's sticky, so you have to wash it off. Soap doesn't kill bacteria, it gets rid of them: one end of the soap molecule attaches to water while the other end attaches to dirt (which is where the germs will be). Lathering with soap also enhances the rubbing action. Hygiene expert Lisa Ackerley said: 'Scrub the fingertips against your palms to clean under the nails' 

20 SECONDS WITH SOAP: 

Around 20 seconds is roughly how long you should wash for, according to the NHS. As you can see from the picture, there are far fewer white areas than with the typical six-second wash. The only white areas are the crescents around the cuticles, a patch on the side of the thumb and a streak on the top of the little finger. 'You need that time to clean all the little bits of your hands,' said hygiene expert Lisa Ackerley. 

30 SECONDS WITH SOAP: 

The Centres For Disease Control and Prevention in the U.S. suggests washing for up to 30 seconds. There is a visible difference — there are even fewer white areas. The crescents of germs around the cuticles in the 20-second picture have all but gone — though amazingly, there is still a trace. So should you be washing for longer? It could remove the rest of the germs, but 'it's getting rid of the majority that matters', Dr Val Curtis, a public health expert at the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine, said

Irish Blessing

May the road rise up to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back,

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

The rains fall soft upon your fields,

And, until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand

St Patrick’s Day - Some Facts and Trivia

Today is St Patrick’s Day, the day when Irish people get into the Guinness (although, I would imagine, that a public holiday is not needed for that to happen) and when non-Irish people start speaking with faux Irish accents, to be sure, to be sure. Light hearted fun and frivolity will be absent this year, as will the pints and the craic. 

It seems a shame to ignore it altogether so here are some facts and items of trivia about St Patrick’s Day. 

Saint Patrick's Day, also known as the Feast of Saint Patrick, is a cultural and religious celebration held on 17 March each year. That is the traditional death date of Saint Patrick (c. AD 385–461), the patron saint of Ireland. It is celebrated by getting well and truly pissed. No, I made that last sentence up but it is probably true. 

Saint Patrick's Day is a public holiday in the Republic of Ireland, Northern Ireland, the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labrador (for provincial government employees), and the British Overseas Territory of Montserrat. It is also widely celebrated in the United Kingdom,[ Canada, United States, Brazil, Argentina, Australia and New Zealand, especially amongst Irish diaspora. 

St Patrick was born in Roman Britain and at age 14 or so was captured by Irish pirates, taken to Ireland and made to tend sheep as a slave. Whilst a captive he came to God, then escaped at age 20 to be reunited with his parents. Some years later he had a dream that a man called him back to Ireland. It inspired him to study for the priesthood and was ultimately ordained a bishop and sent to take the Gospel to Ireland, at that time a country of Druids and pagans. After 40 years preaching he had converted the whole of Ireland, often using shamrocks to explain the Holy Trinity. During this time he built numerous churches, performed miracles and wrote of his love for God. After years of living in poverty, traveling and enduring much suffering he died March 17, 461 at Saul, where he had built the first Irish church. 

Saint Patrick's Day is celebrated in more countries than any other national festival. 

This year Ireland has shut its 7,000 pubs, restaurants and cancelled parades ahead of the big day. Irish citizens have been urged to take to Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to share pictures of themselves celebrating at home and of floats they would have used in parades. The government brought in the strict measures after cases rose to 169 and two deaths were reported in the country. 

ttps://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8116357/Ireland-celebrate-St-Patricks-Day-social-media-public-events-cancelled.html 

Saint Patrick's Day celebrations in the last few years have been criticised for having become too commercialised and for fostering negative stereotypes of the Irish people. 

The first St. Patrick’s Day celebration in the United States was held in Boston in 1737. 

Shamrocks are the national flower/emblem of Ireland. Legend says that each leaf of the clover has a meaning: Hope, Faith, Love and Luck. 

Wearing green has become a staple of St. Patrick’s Day, but the holiday was originally associated with the colour blue. It’s thought that the shift to green happened because of Ireland’s nickname “The Emerald Isle,” the green in the Irish flag and the shamrock, or clover. Green ribbons and shamrocks were worn as early as the 17th century. 

1962 marked the first time Chicago dyed their river green for St Patrick’s Day.

Quote for the Day