Monday, December 28, 2015

More Limericks (and not a single rude one)


There was a young man who said "Damn! 
It is borne upon me that I am 
An engine that moves 
In predestinate grooves, 
I'm not even a bus, I'm a tram."

There was a young lady called Wyatt 
Whose voice grew incredibly quiet, 
Until one day 
It just faded away . . .


This very remarkable man 
Commends a most practical plan: 
You can do what you want 
If you don't think you can't,
So don't think you can't, think you can.

(Emile Coue [1857-1926] was a French psychotherapist who claimed that if one imagined one was getting better, one would get better. His method was referred to as conscious autosuggestion.)

"If you're aristocratic," said Nietzsche, 
"It's thumbs up, you're OK. Pleased to mietzsche. 
If you're working-class bores, 
It's thumbs down and up yours! 
If you don't know your place, then I'll tietzsche."

There once was an African Mau-Mau 
Who got into a terrible row-row; 
The cause of the friction 
Was his practising diction, 
Saying: "How-how now-now brown-brown cow-cow."

Said a boy to his teacher one day: 
"Wright has not written 'rite' right, I say. " 
And the teacher replied, 
As the error she eyed: 
"Right! Wright, write 'write' right, right away!"

(Beauchamp is pronounced both as “bewshum” and, as in the following limerick, “beach ‘em”)

A pretty young teacher named Beauchamp 
Said: "These awful boys, how shall I teauchamp? 
For they will not behave 
Although I look grave, 
And, with tears in my eyes, I beseauchamp."

(Wemyss is pronounced “Weems”)

There was a young lady named Wemyss 
Who, it seems, was much troubled with dremyss; 
She would wake in the night 
And, in terrible fright, 
Shake the bemyss of the house with her scremyss.

Miss Wemyss also features in another limerick:

The Honorable Winifred Wemyss 
Saw styli and snakes in her dremyss; 
And these she enjeud, 
Until she heard Freud 
Utter: "Nothing is quite what it semyss!"

(Styli is the plural form of stylus, a writing implement such as a pen, and a shaping tool. Freud believed that the snake was a phallic symbol and that dreaming of snakes [and I suppose pen shaped objects] represented subconscious sexual desire).

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