Friday, August 13, 2021

FUNNY FRIDAY


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So today is Friday 13th.

Some facts and trivia:
  • According to Smithsonian Magazine "fear of the #13 costs American a billion dollars per year in absenteeism, train and plane cancellations, and reduced commerce on the 13th of the month."
  • Although the doom and gloom associated with Friday the 13th is often associated with Jesus (13 at the Last Supper, crucified on Friday), the fear of Friday the 13th actually dates back to Nordic Mythology. Many of their thirteenth Gods met with violent deaths, such as Loki, the trickster. Ancient Romans also regarded the number 13 as a symbol of death, destruction and misfortune. The more modern negative association of Friday the 13th with bad luck is often attributed to the downfall of the Knights Templar, which happened on Friday 13th October 1307. This date saw the catastrophic destruction of the Knights Templar at the hands of King Philip of France and his puppet Pope Clement V, for the purpose of seizing their wealth. The Knights were burned at the stake on the 13th.
  • Every month starting on a Sunday, will have a Friday the 13th in it.
  • Hotels rarely have a room number 13. Usually it is called 12a or 14. Same with floors of buildings and the elevators without a #13 button.
  • The US Seal has 13 stars, bars, feathers in the eagle's tail, 13 bars in one claw, 13 olive branches in the other.
  • On the USA Dollar Bill, there are 13 steps on the pyramid, 13 bars on the shield, and 13 leaves on the olive branch.
  • Triskaidekaphobia is fear of the Number 13.
So, dear readers, enjoy your Friday, the 13th of the month, there being a bit of Friday the 13th humour thrown into the below mix.


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SOME HUMOUR:

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Roger left for work on Friday 13th morning. Friday was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay packet. Finally, Roger appeared at home on Sunday night, and obviously he was confronted by his angry wife, Martha who castigated Roger for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally, Martha stopped the nagging and said to Roger, 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?' Roger replied grimly, 'That would be fine with me.' Monday went by and he didn't see his Martha. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough so that Roger could see Martha a little out of the corner of his left eye.

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Happy Friday the 13th, you crazy kids. Remember if your car breaks down on a rainy night, and you can't get a cell phone signal, the best thing you can do is walk to the nearby derelict summer camp and split up to look for a landline and/or a place to have sex and/or smoke weed.

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The first rule of Condescending club......

is kind of complex, and I don't think you would understand it, even if I explained it to you !

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A Christian, a Jew, a Muslim, an atheist, and a pagan all walk into a Starbucks.

And they chat, enjoy coffee, laugh, become friends, and have a wonderful time.

This isn't a joke, by the way. It's just what happens when you're not a dickhead.

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Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome

Had a really bad start, but by the end I really liked it.

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“Friday 13th” - Ooh! How quaint. You don’t scare us anymore, Friday 13th. Nothing scares us now.

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After having their tenth child, a Tasmanian couple decided that was enough since they could not afford another kid. The husband went to his doctor in Hobart and told him the he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but it was expensive.

A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home and get a large fire cracker, light it, put it in an empty beer can and then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The guy said to the doctor, "I may not be a smart man, but I don't see how putting a cracker in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." He wanted a second opinion so he visited a doctor in Launceston.

That doctor began to speak of a vasectomy, but seeing his patient was from Tasmania he told him to go home and get a fire cracker, light it and put it in an empty beer can. then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

Since the second doctor told him of the same procedure of the first doctor he decided that it MUST work. So the man went home, lit the fire cracker and put it in the beer can.

He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1,2,3,4,5" at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

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One day, a lawyer finds a genie's lamp.

The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.

"You have three wishes," the genie says. "The only rule is that you can't wish for more wishes."

After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, "I wish the word 'splork' were interchangeable with the word 'wish'."

“Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word 'wish' as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word.”

“Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks."

The genie sighs and says, "This is why nobody likes lawyers."

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

From Bytes in 2018 . . .

The incredible Wizard of Oz,
Retired from his business becoz.
Due to up-to-date science,
To most of his clients,
He wasn't the Wizard he woz.

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GALLERY:




Friday 13th 2021 - what could possibly go wrong?


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CORN CORNER:
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What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.
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How do you make Seven even?

Take away the S
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Ordered from this Chinese restaurant recently.  

Went to pick it up and as I was driving back home heard the bags rustling and moving. I thought what on earth is that? Has something gotten into the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.

Because I was driving at the time, I pulled over, leaned forward picked the bag up put it on the passenger seat and there it was again more rustling and little eyes looking out from the bag. I thought it's got to be a rat or mouse or something so I carefully pulled the bag open....And there it was ...

A peeking duck.
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