QUOTE FOR TE DAY - JACK HANDEY

 

FUNNY FRIDAY

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Today’s theme is court, but readers are cautioned that the law expressed is not necessarily correct and may differ from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. Do not take the humour below as legal advice.

That said, enjoy and take some time out for a bit of laughter and some smiles.

Caution: risqué content ahead.

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SOME HUMOUR:

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A man and his wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem...

The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification. After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honour, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"

A woman tells her lawyer, "I want to divorce my husband."

The lawyer asks, "On what grounds?"

The woman replies, "Grounds? Well we have two acres at the edge of town with a big yard and some peach trees."

The lawyer says, "No, that's not what I meant. Do you have some sort of grudge?"

The woman answers, "Yes, we have a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage."

Now getting frustrated the lawyer asks, "Does he beat you up?"

The woman answers, "No, I'm up by 6:00 and sometimes he doesn't get up until after I've left for work."

The lawyer yells out, "Lady, just tell me why you want to get a divorce!"

The woman says, "Well, he just can’t communicate."

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The following are some of the court exchanges (USA) recorded by San Diego attorney Charles M Sevilla in his book ‘Disorder in the Court’:

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death…

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–

WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.

LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?

OTHER LAWYER: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.

LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?

WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral…

LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?

WITNESS: Yes, sir.

LAWYER: What did she say?

WITNESS: ‘What disco am I at?’

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No…

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget..

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.

LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?

WITNESS: The victim lived.

LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?

WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.

LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?

WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.

LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

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Court Ruling from the UK:

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the England Football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

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A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company. In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor. Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded.'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot da fock would you say?

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A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."

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A man, after being found guilty by the jury, was asked by the judge "Do you have anything to say before I pass sentence?"

"Fuck all," says the defendant.

The judge asks his barrister "What did he say?"

The barrister replies "He said 'fuck all' M’lord."

Judge: “That’s strange, I could swear I saw his lips move!"

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

A re-post:

The Latin phrase “De minimis non curat lex” means “The law does not concern itself with trifles", a legal doctrine by which a court refuses to consider trifling matters. An alternative translation is that the law does not bother with small things, indicating that beneath a certain low level, a matter will be regarded as too trivial, and treated as such.

There once was a lawyer named Rex

With minuscule organs of sex.

Arraigned for exposure,

He maintained with composure,

"De minimis non curat lex."

By way of contrast:

The aged Archbishop of Joppa

Said ‘I think circumcision’s improper

If the organ is small,

But I don’t mind at all

About cutting a slice off a whopper.’

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GALLERY:

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CORN CORNER:

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Why did no one in the King's court laugh when the king farted?

Because noble gases don't cause a reaction.

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If a deaf man goes to court for a crime...

Is it still a hearing?

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BREAKING NEWS:

A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

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What do you call a mouse that walks around on two legs?

Mickey Mouse, duh.

What do you call a duck that walks around on two legs?

A duck, they all do that, duh.

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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

 

POETRY SPOT

Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850 – 1919) was an American author and poet. Wilcox was an advocate of animal rights and vegetarianism, and died of cancer. Her poem "Solitude" originated the lines "Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone." Her autobiography, The Worlds and I, was published in 1918, a year before her death.

Society in the latter half of the 19th century held the rigid expectation that women limit their activities and aspirations to housework and raising a family. These expectations were present for, yet irrelevant to poet Ella Wheeler Wilcox.

Solitude

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;

Weep, and you weep alone;

For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,

But has trouble enough of its own.

Sing, and the hills will answer;

Sigh, it is lost on the air;

The echoes bound to a joyful sound,

But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;

Grieve, and they turn and go;

They want full measure of all your pleasure,

But they do not need your woe.

Be glad, and your friends are many;

Be sad, and you lose them all,—

There are none to decline your nectared wine,

But alone you must drink life’s gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;

Fast, and the world goes by.

Succeed and give, and it helps you live,

But no man can help you die.

There is room in the halls of pleasure

For a large and lordly train,

But one by one we must all file on

Through the narrow aisles of pain.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

 

CHINESE NEW YEAR

A lengthy read but hopefully of interest . . .

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Chinese New Year, or the Spring Festival, is a festival that celebrates the beginning of a new year on the traditional lunisolar* Chinese calendar. Marking the end of winter and the beginning of spring, this festival takes place from Chinese New Year's Eve (the evening preceding the first day of the year) to the Lantern Festival, held on the 15th day of the year. The first day of Chinese New Year begins on the new moon that appears between 21 January and 20 February.

In 2025 the first day is Wednesday 29 January 2025.

* A lunisolar calendar is a calendar in many cultures, incorporating lunar calendars and solar calendars. The date of lunisolar calendars indicates both the Moon phase and the time of the solar year, that is the position of the Sun in the Earth's sky.

Chinese New Year is one of the most important holidays in Chinese culture. It has influenced similar celebrations in other cultures, commonly referred to collectively as Lunar New Year, such as the Losar of Tibet, the Tết of Vietnam, the Seollal of Korea and the Shōgatsu of Japan.

It is also celebrated worldwide in regions and countries with significant overseas Chinese or Sinophone populations, especially in Southeast Asia including Singapore,[6] Brunei, Cambodia, Indonesia, Malaysia, Myanmar, the Philippines, and Thailand. It is also prominent beyond Asia, especially in Australia, Canada, France, Mauritius, New Zealand, Peru, South Africa, the United Kingdom, and the United States, as well as in many European countries.

The Chinese New Year is associated with several myths and customs. The festival was traditionally a time to honour deities as well as ancestors. Within China, regional customs and traditions concerning the celebration of the New Year vary widely. The evening preceding New Year's Day is an occasion for Chinese families to gather for the annual reunion dinner. Traditionally, every family would thoroughly clean their house, symbolically sweep away any ill fortune to make way for incoming good luck. Windows and doors may be decorated with red paper-cuts and couplets representing themes such as good fortune or happiness, wealth, and longevity. Other activities include lighting firecrackers and giving money in red envelopes.

Lion dancers often take part in Chinese Lunar New Year Lion Dances in business districts, shops and businesses making an offering of a lettuce and money in a red envelope. Accompanied by drumming. the lion eats and spits out the lettuce, keeping the envelope. This is followed by fire crackers. The lion dance is believed to ward off evil spirits and bring good luck and fortune.

By the way:

Lions don’t eat lettuce so why this new year custom? The tradition stems from language. In Chinese and Cantonese, a word for leafy greens sounds a lot like a word for becoming wealthy. When the lion eats the lettuce and spits it back out at the business owners and audience, it symbolises blessing them with wealth and prosperity in the new year.

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According to legend, Chinese New Year started with a mythical beast called the Nian (a beast that lives under the sea or in the mountains) during the annual Spring Festival. The Nian would eat villagers, especially children in the middle of the night. One year, all the villagers decided to hide from the beast. An older man appeared before the villagers went into hiding and said that he would stay the night and would get revenge on the Nian. The old man put up red papers and set off firecrackers.

The day after, the villagers came back to their town and saw that nothing had been destroyed. They realised that the old man was a celestial being who had come to help them. He also told them the three secret “weapons” to drive Nian away – “items that are red in colour”, “bright lights” and “firecrackers”.

The tradition grew as New Year approached, and the villagers would wear red clothes, hang red lanterns, and red spring scrolls on windows and doors, and use firecrackers and drums to frighten away the Nian. From then on, the Nian never came to the village again.

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Chinese Zodiac signs:

This year is the Year of the Snake.

There are 12 Chinese zodiac signs, in the following order: Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, and Pig. Each sign is named after an animal, and each animal has its own unique characteristics.

Zodiac Years and Personality Traits

Rat:

Quick-witted, resourceful, versatile, kind

Ox:

Diligent, dependable, strong, determined

Tiger:

Brave, confident, competitive

Rabbit:

Quiet, elegant, kind, responsible

Dragon:

Confident, intelligent, enthusiastic

Snake:

Enigmatic, intelligent, wise

Horse :

Animated, active, energetic

Goat:

Calm, gentle, sympathetic

Monkey:

Sharp, smart, curiosity

Rooster:

Observant, hardworking, courageous

Dog:

Lovely, honest, prudent

Pig:

Compassionate, generous, diligent

Why the 12 Chinese zodiac animals are in the sequence above is due to a story which reveals legendary reasons, and some of the characteristics of the 12 animals:

The Heavenly Gate Race Story - Reasons for Zodiac Rankings

Long, long ago, there was no Chinese zodiac. The Jade Emperor wanted to select 12 animals to be his guards. He sent an immortal being into man's world to spread the message that the earlier one went through the Heavenly Gate, the better the rank one would have.

The next day, animals set off towards the Heavenly Gate. Rat got up very early. On his way to the gate, he encountered a river. He had to stop there, owing to the swift current. After waiting a long time, Rat noticed Ox about to cross the river and swiftly jumped into Ox's ear.

The diligent Ox did not mind at all and simply continued. After crossing the river, he raced towards the palace of the Jade Emperor. Suddenly, Rat jumped out of Ox's ear and dashed to the feet of the Emperor. Rat won first place and Ox was second.

Tiger and Rabbit came third and fourth because both are fast and competitive, but Tiger was faster. (Rabbit got across the river by hopping on stepping stones and a floating log.)

Good-looking Dragon was fifth and was immediately noticed by the Jade Emperor, who said Dragon's son could be sixth. But Dragon's son didn't come with him that day. Just then, Snake came forward and said Dragon was his adoptive father; so Snake ranked sixth.

Horse and Goat arrived. They were very kind and modest and each let the other go first. The Jade Emperor saw how polite they were and ranked them seventh and eighth.

Monkey had fallen well behind. But he jumped between trees and stones, and caught up to be ninth. Last were Rooster, Dog, and Pig.

These 12 animals became guards of the Heavenly Gate.

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The metaphors and meaning of the Snake in Chinese literature and mythology are polar opposites.

On the one hand, the snake belongs to the yin, associated with darkness, dampness and femininity. Poisonous snakes are often associated with evil women who seduce men and suck their yang to nourish their yin.

However, snakes also have positive symbolism. For example, they are regarded as little dragons and the skin snakes shed is referred to as the dragon’s coat, symbolising good luck, rebirth and regality.

The snake also symbolises the pursuit of love and happiness and can also represent wealth and wisdom In traditional Chinese culture, they are often grouped with the turtle and the crane as a symbol of longevity

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

 

BACKSTORIES - NATIONAL ANTHEMS

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LA MARCELLAISE:

"La Marseillaise"is the national anthem of France. It was written in 1792 by Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle in Strasbourg after the declaration of war by the First French Republic against Austria, and was originally titled "Chant de guerre pour l'Armée du Rhin". The song acquired its nickname after being sung in Paris by Fédéré (volunteers) from Marseille marching to the capital.

The French National Convention adopted it as the First Republic's anthem in 1795.

The anthem, a response to Prussian and Austrian invasion, contains verses such as:

Verse 1:

Let's go children of the fatherland,

The day of glory has arrived!

Against us tyranny's

Bloody flag is raised! (repeat)

In the countryside, do you hear

The roaring of these fierce soldiers?

They come right to our arms

To slit the throats of our sons, our friends!

Refrain:

Grab your weapons, citizens!

Form your battalions!

Let us march! Let us march!

May impure blood

Water our fields!

Verse 2:

This horde of slaves, traitors, plotting kings,

What do they want?

For whom these vile shackles,

These long-prepared irons? (repeat)

Frenchmen, for us, oh! what an insult!

What emotions that must excite!

It is us that they dare to consider

Returning to ancient slavery!

The full version features seven verses – but at most sporting events, teams tend to sing just the first verse and chorus.

"The Departure of the volunteers of 1792" (a.k.a. La Marseillaise), sculpture on the Arc de Triomphe de l'Etoile, Paris, France.

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STAR SPANGLED BANNER:

"The Star-Spangled Banner" is the national anthem of the United States. The lyrics come from the "Defence of Fort M'Henry", a poem written by American lawyer Francis Scott Key on September 14, 1814, after he witnessed the bombardment of Fort McHenry by the British Royal Navy during the Battle of Baltimore in the War of 1812. Key was inspired by the large U.S. flag, with 15 stars and 15 stripes, known as the Star-Spangled Banner, flying triumphantly above the fort after the battle.

In the middle of the conflict between the British and the Americans was the Battle of Baltimore. The battle took place on both sea and land from September 12 to September 14, 1814. The main defense of the city, Fort McHenry, sat just south of the city's harbor. The harbor itself was blocked by scuttled craft and a very big chain. As lawyer Francis Scott Key watched from a nearby American ship on September 13, British forces attempted to break through by bombarding the fort.

After 25 hours of artillery fire, Key was astonished to see that the fort was still intact and flying the American flag. He was so inspired by his experience that he wrote a set of lyrics that eventually became known as "The Star-Spangled Banner."

The poem was set to the tune of a popular British song written by John Stafford Smith for the Anacreontic Society, a social club in London. Smith's song, "To Anacreon in Heaven" (or "The Anacreontic Song"), with various lyrics, was already popular in the United States. This setting, renamed "The Star-Spangled Banner", soon became a popular patriotic song. With a range of 19 semitones, it is known for being very difficult to sing, in part because the melody sung today is the soprano part. Although the poem has four stanzas, only the first is commonly sung today with the second to fourth being rarely sung.

Verse 1:

O say can you see, by the dawn’s early light,

What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming,

Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,

O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?

And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;

O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave

O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

"The Star-Spangled Banner" was first recognised for official use by the United States Navy in 1889. On March 3, 1931, the U.S. Congress passed a joint resolution making the song the official national anthem of the United States, which President Herbert Hoover signed into law.

The large Star Spangled Banner Flag that inspired the lyrics of the US national anthem when it flew above Fort McHenry in the 1814 Battle of Baltimore. Shown here on display at the Smithsonian's National Museum of History and Technology, around 1964. Many pieces were cut off the flag and given away as souvenirs early during its history. A linen backing, attached in 1914, shows the original extent of the flag.

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GOD SAVE THE KING:

"God Save the King" (alternatively "God Save the Queen" when the British monarch is female) is the de facto national anthem of the United Kingdom, one of two national anthems of New Zealand, and the royal anthem of the Isle of Man, Canada and some other Commonwealth realms. The author of the tune is unknown but an attribution to the composer John Bull has sometimes been made.

Beyond its first verse, which is consistent, "God Save the King" has many historic and various versions. Since its first publication, different verses have been added and taken away and, even today, different publications include various selections of verses in various orders In general, only one verse is sung.

The entire composition is the musical salute for the British monarch and royal consort, while other members of the royal family who are entitled to royal salute (such as the Prince of Wales, along with his spouse) receive just the first six bars.

Verse 1:

God save our gracious King,

Long live our noble King,

God save the King!

Send him victorious,

Happy and glorious,

Long to reign over us,

God save the King !

Verse 2:

O Lord our God arise,

Scatter our* enemies,

And make them fall!

Confound their politics,

Frustrate their knavish tricks,

On Thee our hopes we fix,

God save us all!

In countries not part of the British Empire, the tune of "God Save the King" has provided the basis for various patriotic songs, ones generally connected with royal ceremony. The melody is used for the national anthem of Liechtenstein, "Oben am jungen Rhein"; the royal anthem of Norway, "Kongesangen"; and the American patriotic song "My Country, 'Tis of Thee" (also known as "America").

England has no official national anthem of its own; "God Save the King" is treated as the English national anthem when England is represented at sporting events (though there are some exceptions to this rule, such as cricket where "Jerusalem" is used).

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ADVANCE AUSTRALIA FAIR:

Advance Australia Fair" is the national anthem of Australia. Written by Scottish-born Australian composer Peter Dodds McCormick, the song was first performed as a patriotic song in Australia in 1878.

It replaced "God Save the Queen" as the official national anthem by the Whitlam government in 1974, following an indicative opinion survey. The subsequent Fraser government reinstated "God Save the Queen" as the national anthem in January 1976 alongside three other "national songs": "Advance Australia Fair", "Waltzing Matilda" and "Song of Australia".

Later in 1977 a plebiscite to choose the "national song" preferred "Advance Australia Fair". This was subsequently proclaimed the national anthem in 1984 by the Hawke government. "God Save the Queen" became the royal anthem (later "God Save the King" on the accession of King Charles III), and is used at public engagements attended by the King or members of the royal family.

The lyrics of the 1984 version of "Advance Australia Fair" were significantly modified from McCormick's original, only retaining a now gender neutral version of the first verse and using a second verse first sung in 1901 at Federation. In January 2021, the official lyrics were changed once again, in recognition of the long habitation of Indigenous Australians.

Verse 1:

Australians all let us rejoice,

For we are one and free;

We've golden soil and wealth for toil,

Our home is girt by sea;

Our land abounds in Nature's gifts

Of beauty rich and rare;

In history's page, let every stage

Advance Australia fair!

In joyful strains then let us sing,

Advance Australia fair!

Changes:

- When I was young the opening words were “Australia’s sons let us rejoice . . . “, now “Australians all . . . “

- The words “we are one and free” were originally “we are young and free”, changed to reflect long time indigenous habitation of the land.

The fourth line of the anthem, "our home is girt by sea", has been criticised for using the archaic word "girt". It means surrounded, as someone has pointed out, could you imagine the police telling a crim "Come out, we have you girted."

Additionally, the lyrics and melody of the Australian national anthem have been criticised as being dull and unendearing to the Australian people. National Party senator Sandy Macdonald said in 2001 that "'Advance Australia Fair' is so boring that the nation risks singing itself to sleep, with boring music and words impossible to understand". In 2011, former Victorian Premier Jeff Kennett called for "I Am Australian" to become Australia's national anthem.

In his paper How Fair is Fair: The Colour of Justice in Australia's official anthem, writer and academic, Christopher Kelen argues that the kind of 'fairness' being repeated with every rendition of the chorus is specifically about the civilising process of the white man. Kelen suggests that either use of the word 'fair'; beautiful, just or white, the main point the song makes by 'rejoicing' the advancement of Australia is one of the Terra Nullius myth, where we don't want to acknowledge a time before our European coming.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

 

READERS WRITE

 

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Steve M sent me an email commenting on the Australia Day posts:

Great Bytes today, Otto. Loved the cricket stuff and especially loved the bush poem.

Agree with your sentiments.

Many thanks.

Steve m

Thank you, Steve.

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Likewise friend and colleague Tony G expressed appreciation for the Australia Day Thought for the Day:

Love the thought for the Day.

Thanks Tony.

The Thought was the victory song of the Australian cricket team, sung by the players after every victory:

Under the Southern Cross I stand,

A sprig of wattle in my hand,

A native of my native land,

Australia, you fucking beauty!

We should consider that our national anthem in place of one that has the words “Our home is girt by sea.”

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Steve also sent me a response to the photographs of urban hells around the world:

Amazing Bytes yesterday, Otto. What dreadful people creatures human beings are.

Thanks Steve.

As someone once said to me: “It’s the price you pay if you want a ten dollar angle grinder.” He was referring to the pollution arising from overseas countries where manufacture is cheap and without controls.

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David B commented on Big Things:

Love that you have captured the Kelpies atmosphere and all.

Hope that you are keeping strong.

David

Thanks Dave, I am.

The kelpies Dave was referring to are a pair of monumental steel horse-heads 30 metres high between the Scottish towns of Falkirk and Grangemouth. (A kelpie, or water kelpie is a mythical shape-shifting spirit inhabiting lochs in Scottish folklore. It is usually described as a grey or white horse-like creature, able to adopt human form.)

Some more pics to show size, scale, manner of construction and how they are variously illuminated:

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Ron T emailed a comment about the photographs of my father:

Your Dad was one handsome fellow. Folks of that generation were heroes in every respect.

Thanks Ron.

Some facts about my dad that I learned from relatives, he never spoke of these matters:

• His mother would hide him and his brother under floor boards covered by a carpet when the Nazis came looking for males to send to slave labour camps.
• Twice he was caught and sent, both times he jumped from a moving tarin Germany and made his way back home.
• On one such escape he was hidden by a German family.

After the war and migration to Australia, he often declared that that was the past, we should move on and not hold onto hate and hostility.

My mother retained her hostility for a long time. As I said in my eulogy of her (which I will post one day), this was a woman who still had the scars of German shrapnel on her leg, who saw the V2 rockets and the Hindenburg fly overhead. In her last days, in moments of hallucination, she was dreaming she was back in occupied Holland as a young girl, hearing the sound of goose-stepping Wehrmacht soldiers marching on cobblestones and fearing for her life. She overcame the negative feelings eventually when Dad started training German Shepherd dogs, bringing them both into contact with numerous German people, some of whom became friends.

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Thanks to those who welcomed me back when I had blog and internet issues, both at the same time ! !

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Charlie Z in the US sent me an email before those issues arose:

Otto - many thanks for the poetry and funny Fridays! Many have been passed on to friends who appreciate your humour!

Thanks Chezza. Interesting that you used the Australian/English spelling on ‘humour’. A result of living in Australia?

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David B emailed a comment on Maya Angelou’s poem My Younger Days, the final verse of which is:

Though my hair has turned to grey

and my skin no longer fits,

On the inside, I’m the same old me,

It’s the outside’s changed a bit.

David commented:

Hi Otto

This resonates with me and reminds me of a comment made by a contemporary. A comment with which I very much agree.

"When I look in the bathroom mirror I wonder who that old man staring back at me is."

Regards

David

Thanks David.

I responded to him:

I know the feeling – mentally and psychologically I don’t feel the age I see in the mirror.

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David G (is every second person in the world named David?) set me a comment on Christmas day:

Otto

Merry Christmas. Thanks so much for receiving your Bytes each day. It always extends my breakfast to a second coffee and makes a great start to the day.

Really appreciate the Christmas card, your sticking to tradition (ie mailing Christmas cards, Otto) is fabulous.

Trust 2025 brings good health to you and your family and look forward to catching up sometime.

David and Lorraine

Thanks Dave.

By the way:

Tim B liked the following, which I used on a Christmas card one year (best image I have been able to find):

‘Santa and the Drover’

by commercial artist and illustrator Jack Waugh (1910-1996).

Jack Waugh’s 1964 painting of Santa pausing on his travels to share a cup of billy tea with an outback drover, whilst the drover’s horse and Santa’s reindeer tentatively become acquainted, was painted for Arnott’s Biscuits and was featured on the lid of their Christmas biscuit tins. So popular that it was repeated year after year, it also appeared on the rear page of The Australian Women’s Weekly for a number of years each Christmas. Waugh, born in Lakemba and raised in Glebe, used himself as the model for the drover. Note the kelpie (Australian cattle dog, not the Scottish horse) next to the drover.

UNDER THE SOUTHERN CROSS . . .

Under the Southern Cross I stand,

A sprig of wattle in my hand,

A native of my native land,

Australia, you fucking beauty!

• "Under The Southern Cross I Stand" is the victory song of the Australian cricket team. It is typically sung by the players in the style of a raucous chant after every victory and "treated with reverential consideration and respect" within the team.

• The authorship of "Under the Southern Cross I Stand" is credited to former wicketkeeper Rod Marsh, who was apparently inspired by Henry Lawson's 1887 poem, "Flag of the Southern Cross".

• Marsh initially had the role of leading the team in singing it, and on his retirement he passed it on to Allan Border. 

• The other players to have taken on the role are:

- David Boon (when Border took over the captaincy), Ian Healy (on Boon's retirement);

- Ricky Ponting (on Healy's retirement);

- Justin Langer (when Ponting took over the captaincy); and 

- Michael Hussey (on Langer's retirement). 

- Hussey passed it on to Nathan Lyon upon his retirement in January 2013.

- With Nathan Lyon's departure from the team due to injury after the Second Ashes Test at Lord's in 2023, custody of the song has passed to wicketkeeper Alex Carey.