FUNNY FRIDAY

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To go with the 'On This Day' item, the closing of Alcatraz, following is some humour about prisons. A grim subject, which makes it harder to get some laughs and smiles from it but here goes . . .

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SOME HUMOUR:

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An old farmer wrote to his son in prison:

“This year I wont be able to plant potatoes because I cant dig the field. I know if you were here you would help me”

The son wrote back:

”Dad don’t even think of digging the field because that’s where I buried the money I stole”

Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug by police looking for the money but nothing was found.

The next day the son wrote again:

“Now plant your potatoes dad; it’s the best I can do from here.

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A woman visits her husband in prison.

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:

"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"

The officer laughs, saying:

"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"

"Bullshit! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"

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My doctor told me I was obese. I got defensive and told him, "Look, I'm obese. My sister is obese. My mother is obese....

..... My kids are obese. My brother is obese. Obesity runs in my family."

Doctor: "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."

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An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all sentenced to 10 years in prison.

Before they each go into their prison cells, they are all granted one wish to help them through it

The Englishman asks for people to come into his cell and talk to him sometimes to keep him company

"No problem" says the prison officer

The Scotsman asks for a dog to be in his cell sometimes to keep him company

"Ok" says the prison officer

The Irishman asks for 100 packs of cigarettes

"Sure" says the prison officer

A year later, after taking a break from the job, the same prison officer returns to the prison and goes to check on the men to see how they are

The Englishman looks to be doing ok, and thanks the prison officer for allowing him to have people in there to keep him company

The Scotsman is also ok, and thanks the prison officer

The Irishman says "have you got a light?"

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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail…

But apparently, you can’t end a sentence with a proposition…

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As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back.

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

A painter, who lived in Great Britain,

Interrupted two girls with their knitting,

He said, with a sigh,

"That park bench, well I,

Just painted it, right where you're sitting."

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GALLERY:

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CORN CORNER:

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I have a movie idea where an English teacher in a prison gets illiterate inmates to read

It's called Prose and Cons

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People get mad at me for always using contractions. But that's just the way I am.

It's what it's.

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My son didn't cope well with going to jail...

He refused to eat or drink anything.

He swore at everyone and covered his room with his own poop.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

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Today, I met Bruce Lee's vegetarian brother, Broco Lee.

I met a few of his cousins too;

The one who can't take a joke, Serious Lee.

The one is always there last minute, Sudden Lee.

The one who doesn't understand Metaphors, Literal Lee.

The one who is always throwing shade, Sarcastic Lee.

The one who is so sure of himself, Definite Lee.

The one you can always predict, Usual Lee.

The one whose always smiling, Happy Lee.

The one in disgrace, Shameful Lee.

The one that isn't very good looking, Ug Lee

AND,

The one who likes perfection, Exact Lee

In short, I met the whole Fama Lee.

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