Bytes: FUNNY FRIDAY

Friday, June 27, 2025

FUNNY FRIDAY

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Some various items of humour today, folks, but with an emphasis on the environment.

Enjoy.

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SOME HUMOUR:

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Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It's bad for the environment.

Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.

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My parents called a meeting just to tell me I'm really well-suited to my environment.

I don't remember exactly what they said, but it was something like, "son, you're adapted."

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God created the heavens and the earth, then said let there be light!

Then Keith Richard’s yelled turn it off I’m trying to sleep.

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I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment.

I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.

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Trying to do my bit for the environment

..so I asked my work mates if they wanted me to pick them up.

Sure enough, I picked up two of the work mates in my car and off we went one morning to work.

Roadworks caused us to divert our journey. We had to take the highway.

Barry starts sweating..

I ask "What's wrong Barry!?".

He shrugs..

We close in on the highway tunnel and Barry starts bloody screaming blue murder!!

"Nooo!! Noooooo!!! STOP! I CANT GO THROUGH THE TUNNEL!!

Turns out Barry has Carpool Tunnel Syndrome..

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What a country! If they find gold or oil in my backyard, it belongs to the state!

But if they find marijuana, then it's mine??

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I've just done my part to help the environment.

I unplugged 6 electric vehicles that no one was using.

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Country Sheriff comes upon the scene of a gruesome auto accident; no survivors, but no immediate concern to safety, so he begins to fill out his report on the scene:

"Automobile flipped in the ditch; D-I-T-C-H."

"Contents of the automobile as well as two bodies thrown from the car also in the ditch; D-I-T-C-H."

"Severed head on the boulevard; B-O-L-U...B-O-L-O-V......B-U-O-L..."

*kick*

"In the ditch; D-I-T-C-H."

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Environment my arse. . .

A small ATM room having two ACs and 4 tubelights, working 24 hours, is asking me not to print a receipt to save the environment..

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A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.

The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”

Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”

The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”

The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”

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After performing a thorough exam of his new young patient, the obstetrician remarked, “Mrs. Parsons, I have some really good news for you, I have confirmed---”

“--Pardon me,” she interrupted, “it’s actually Miss Parsons.”

“Oh, OK,” he stammered, “uh, let’s see, in that case, I have some really bad news for you.”

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Two Jehova’s Witnesses were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces.

To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open.

Convinced they were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of the men said: "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

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