Friday, February 20, 2015

Funny Friday

 


Welcome to another Funny Friday.

Today's theme is court . . .

 * * * ** * * * * *
I took a taxi to my court appearance the other day.

"What are you here for?" asked the driver.

"My bankruptcy hearing. You might as well come too."

* * * * * * * * * *
I had my portrait done by a professional artist last week.

In chalk, in front of a jury.

* * * * * * * * * *
Every time I'm up in court in front of the judge, I always mumble my answers.

I'll get a 'Pardon?' one of these days.

* * * * * * * * * *
As I stood in court awaiting sentencing I whispered, "I hope they don't rape new inmates on their first night in prison?"

"You're not exactly filling me with confidence", said my client.

* * * * * * * * * *

* * * * * * * * * *

* * * * * * * * * *
My son came down the stairs for that special date. Nice suit, immaculate hair, shoes polished, looking and smelling like a young model. I was so proud.

He'll never forget his first court appearance.

* * * * * * * * * *
When acting as head of the jury at a murder trial, it's considered inappropriate to answer the judge's question, "How do you find the defendant?" with...

"Well, I wouldn't mind giving her one, your honour."

* * * * * * * * * *
Every time I'm up in court in front of the judge, I always mumble my answers.

I'll get a 'Pardon?' one of these days.

* * * * * * * * * *
I was in court today when I completely lost it.

"Lock them up and throw away the key!", I yelled.

"Mr Smith!", said the judge sternly, "do you want custody of your children or not?"

* * * * * * * * * *
I couldn't believe how much trouble I got into trying to chat up the girl behind the bar.

She added three months to my drunk and disorderly sentence.

* * * * * * * * * *
A father, fresh from a court ruling comes into a bar. Angrily he shouts "I think all court judges are assholes!!" 

A slurred response from the back of the bar is heard: "I resent that!" 

The father peers into the back and asks "Why, are you a court judge?" 

"No," the voice slurs, "I'm an asshole." 

* * * * * * * * * *

Corn Corner:

I got caught stealing endangered birds' eggs recently.

I'm really nervous, as I'm up before the beak tomorrow.




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