Friday, February 12, 2016

Funny Friday


Loving Fridays introduces today's theme . . .  Valentine's Day.

Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons." 
Boy: "Really?" 
Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!" 

Roses are red, violets are blue. 
If he's busy on Valentine’s Day, 
The side chick is you! 

What do single people call Valentine's Day? 
Happy Independence Day. 

Jim : :Did you buy your wife anything for Valentine's Day?”
Tony: “Yep, a belt and a bag."
Jim : “That’s nice, did she appreciate the thought?"
Jim: “I think so, hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

What is the difference between a calendar and you? 
A calendar has a date on Valentine's Day. 

Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive on Valentine’s Day by 90 percent.... 
Wedding cake. 

I can't wait for Valentine’s Day because I get to make cupcakes for a special someone.
And that special someone is me. 

Roger was buying an expensive bracelet to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London.

The asked, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'

Roger replied ”No, just engrave ‘To my one and only love’.”

The jeweller smiled and said, 'Yes, sir, how very romantic of you.'

Said Roger “Yeah, that way if we break up I can use it again.”

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful princess happened upon a frog in a meadow. 

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in my castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly saut√©ed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: “I don't freakin' think so!"


Corn Corner:

What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp? 
Stick with me and you'll go places.

Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine's Day! 

What did the paper clip say to the magnet? 
"I'm attracted to you.”

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