Friday, July 7, 2017

Funny Friday

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Yes, it's finally Friday, the end of the working week for most of us, so what better theme for some Friday Fun . . . work.

Caution though: some risque humour included.
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An organisation is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but arseholes.
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My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
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There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today when I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.
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Becky was 73 and just got her first computer. After her son spent over 2 hours teaching her how to use it, she was sure she knew everything there was to know about computers. Unfortunately though, one day she couldn’t get it to start so she promptly called an IT guy to come over and take a look at it. The IT guy managed to fix the issue in a few minutes and was on his way. Becky was proud when she overheard the IT guy on the phone with his boss telling him about the issue, she was sure it meant it was a serious issue and she was sure she took care of it the right way. “Excuse me if you don’t mind me asking,” asked Becky to the man on his way out. “I couldn’t help overhearing you on the phone with your boss. What exactly is an Id ten T problem? Just so I can tell my son.” The man smiled, took out a pen, “It stands for this: I-D -1-0-T”.
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A man hears from a doctor that his end is near so he heads over to a lawyer to write a will. The secretary watches as the man walks into the lawyer’s office and, three minutes later, sees him walk off in a huff. “Can I help you?” asks the secretary, dashing after the obviously upset man. “HELP ME? THIS GUY IS CRAZY! I asked him to help me write a will and he says to me: ‘Sure, let me just ask you a few questions and then leave it all to me.’ I’ve heard before how lawyers are dishonest but this guy just takes the cake!”
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Moshe and Levi had been business partners for the past 50 years. They were in the wholesale clothing business and lately business was not as glorious as it had been. They had bought 400 polka dot dresses and no one seemed the slightest bit interested in them. After holding on to the dresses for almost a year, the two had practically given up hope on them, when a middle aged woman walked into their showroom. After seeing the dresses she was so excited about the polka dot design that she wanted to purchase all 400 dresses on the spot. Totally elated, Levi tried to play it cool and negotiated a great price with the woman. When they were just about ready to close the deal she mentioned the she would need to get approval from her boss before continuing. Being that it was close to the end of the day, she said she would phone them by 9:30 the next morning if there was a problem. Otherwise the deal would be on. After a sleepless night, Levi and Moshe stood anxiously by the phone the next day. At 9:28 the phone rang and Levi breathlessly answered the call while Moshe waited anxiously. “Good news!” said Levi. “It was your wife saying your mother just died!”

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The boss had to lay somebody off, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Mary or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would lay off the first one who was at the water cooler the next morning.

Mary came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying the night before. Almost immediately, she headed to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The boss approached her and said, "Mary, I've never done this before, but I either have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she asked, "I feel like shit this morning!"
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Gallery:





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Corn Corner:


I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.


I quit my job working for Nike. Just couldn’t do it anymore.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter, none of them work.

I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.



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