Friday, July 21, 2017

Funny Friday

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Another Friday, time for all of us to enjoy the weekend.

Well, not exactly “all”.

For those who have enquired as to Kate’s health, she remains in pain and is off to the Fracture Clinic at RPA today for further x rays to see if the bone is beginning to knit or whether she will need pins.

Speaking of knitting . . . 


Kate is getting tired of trying to sleep upright in a chair and of being unable to perform even basic tasks. It’s another example of not valuing something until you lose it. I try to keep her spirits up by giving her little bits of wisdom and encouragement, saying things such as “There are plenty in Rookwood that would change places with ya” and . . .


She must be in a lot of discomfort because the things I say don't seem to help.

(For overseas readers, Rookwood Cemetery, located 17 kilometres west off Sydney’s CBD, is the largest cemetery in the southern hemisphere.

Enjoy Funny Friday readers.

Caution: some risque items included.
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The reference to “all but one” reminds me of a poem I posted some years ago that is worth a second posting, especially on Funny Friday . . .

Oft I recall my youth's first splendour
With joyous life just begun,
When all my limbs were soft and tender,
Did I say all?....Well, all but one.

But now the winds of age blow frigid,
The halcyon days of youth have gone
And all my limbs are stiff and rigid...
Did I say all?....Well, all but one! 
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Graham E sent me a stickman link that is worth visiting, Click on the link below and follow the prompts . . . 


Thanks Graham.

You can also find some more at:

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Is not the term ”Stickman” politically incorrect?
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Some stickman humour:









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And a few husband/wife jokes to finish . . . 
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Bill’s second anniversary was coming up and if there was one thing that got his wife Suzy upset, it was not getting a thoughtful gift on a special occasion. Bill quizzed all his friends, co workers, clients and anyone he happened to bump into, as to what would be a good anniversary present. He finally settled on a huge bouquet of flowers. Not willing to trust himself to pick out the right flowers, Bill called up a local flower shop with strict instructions to deliver the biggest most beautiful bouquet of flowers first thing in the morning with the following note “Happy Anniversary Year Number Two!”

The morning of the anniversary Bill made sure Suzy would be the one to answer the door as he waited anxiously in the other room.

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ALL ABOUT?!” hollered Suzie angrily, holding up his well thought out note, “Happy Anniversary You’re Number Two!”
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A wife was sitting peacefully in her cozy armchair sewing her husband’s socks. Her husband came in to the room and glanced at what she was doing and started badgering, “HONEY be more careful! PLEASE WATCH WHAT YOU ARE DOING! You don’t wan’t to poke YOUR finger! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU! Don’t look up when YOUR’E SEWING! There you go now slow and steady, nice even stitches. 

The wife puts down the needle and thread, looks up at her husband, and says, “What the hell is wrong with you? Do you know how many times I’ve sewn socks before?! 

“EXACTLY THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO GET AT”, hollered the husband, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I’VE DRIVEN A CAR BEFORE!?
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A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. 

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. 

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,

"Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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A loving couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, privately, at home with a couple of bottles of champagne. 

A bit tipsy and feeling very intimate the husband turns to his wife and asks, "Tell me truthfully, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

"Well," she replied, "since you ask, to tell you the truth I have been unfaithful on three occasions."

"What? How could you?"

"Let me tell you about it," she said. "The first time was back when we were first married. 

You needed open heart surgery and we didn't have the money, so I went to bed with the surgeon and got him to operate for free."

"Gee! That was noble of you. And, besides, I guess I should be grateful. 

But, tell me, what about the second time?"

"Do you remember that you wanted a promotion and they were going to pass you over for someone else? Well, I went to bed with the President and the Vice President and they gave you the job."

"Hell, I think I could have done it on my own. But, then again, I guess I should be grateful. 

And so, what about the third time?"

"Do you remember two years ago when you wanted to become President of the Bowling Club and you were short 53 votes...?"
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A man is talking to the family doctor, "Doc, I think my wife’s going deaf."

The doctor answers, "Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."

The man goes home and tries it out. 

He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what’s for dinner?" 

He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.

"Honey, what’s for dinner?" 

Still no answer. 

He repeats this several times, until he’s standing just a few feet away from her.

Finally, she answers,

"For the eleventh time, I said we’re having MEATLOAF!"
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Corn Corner:

A little boy says, ‘Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.’ ‘Son,’ says the dad, ‘That happens everywhere.’

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist said “I’ll have some H2O.” The second scientists said “I’ll have some H2O too.” The second scientist died.


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