Great Replies: Truman Capote

Author Truman Capote was drinking one evening with friends in a crowded Key West bar when he was recognised by a woman who had a few too many drinks.  She walked over to his table and drunkenly asked him to autograph a paper napkin. The woman's husband became angry at his wife's display of interest in another man.  He also staggered over to Capote's table and assumed an intimidating position directly in front of Capote.  He then unzipped his trousers and, in Capote's own words, "hauled out his equipment." As he did this, he bellowed in a drunken slur, "Since you're autographing things, why don't you autograph this?"  It was a tense moment, and a hush fell over the room.  In the silence, everyone heard Capote in his soft, high-pitched voice say "I don't know if I can autograph it, but perhaps I can initial it."

Dunnies

Two Australian icons: the Hills Hoist and the Dunny

In a post a few days ago I mentioned the terms dunny, dunny man, dunny cart and dunny lane.

Older Byters may recall their childhoods where toilets were located outside and consisted of a pan under a wooden seat. Often a choko vine grew over the roof. Those memories may include going to the toilet at night, barefoot on the wet grass, stepping on snails and having to leave the door open to catch a bit of moonlight for light. And that’s not mentioning the spiders, insects, maggots and smells. Not all childhood memories are fond ones.

Still, it was preferable to the first time I experienced a traditional toilet in Asia, but that’s a different story.

The term “dunny” has been first recorded in 1933 in Australia. It derives from the 18th century English word “dunnakin”, meaning a toilet. In Ireland it was spelt “dunnigan”. That word in turn derived from dialect words for excrement such as “danna”, or its colour “dun”, with the word “kin” meaning house.

Quotes: Lyndon Baines Johnson

"I would rather have him inside the tent pissing out than outside the tent pissing in."

-Lyndon Baines Johnson (1908 - 1973),

 President of the Unite States, about J Edgar Hoover,
head of the FBI.  

Hoover  had dossiers, secret files, illegal wiretaps and covert surveillance reports on a wide range of public figures, including politicians.  Asked why he did not sack Hoover, Johnson responded as above.

Art: Alex Queral

So what do you do with your phone books when the new ones arrive? Do you even keep a phone book anymore or do you simply dial 1223 or access the internet to get a number?

Alex Queral is a 51 year old artist who respects the rejected telephone books. Based in Philadelphia, he developed the idea of using telephone books in his artworks 14 years ago when he was looking for wood to sculpt and came upon a pile of discarded phone books. Queral carves the phone books into 3 dimensional sculptures, then paints them with transparent acrylic paint, to make them durable and give them a glossy finish.

He carves and finishes about 2 works a month.

“I carve the faces out of phone books because I like the three-dimensional quality that results and because of the unexpected results that occur working in this medium. The three-dimensional quality enhances the feeling of the pieces as an object as opposed to a picture.

In carving and painting a head from a phone directory, I'm celebrating the individual lost in the anonymous list of thousands of names that describe the size of the community. In addition, I like the idea of creating something that is normally discarded every year into an object of longevity.

It can be quite tense work sometimes because it takes a long time to finish and when you cut something away you can't get it back again.

Nearing the end of the carving and then suddenly having it ruined by a careless cut can be pretty crushing. You have to start all over again."

Click on pics to enlarge...

Last Words: Voltaire

"Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies."

- Voltaire (1694-1778)

on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.

Vintage Photographs

Sydney backyard, c 1900  (Click on photograph to enlarge).

Some points to note:

- Barefoot was commonplace for kids, even when at the shops or in public streets. Many vintage photos show kids barefoot in those circumstances.

- In the days before sewers, toilets were outside with large cans (“pans”) which were emptied weekly. The waste was known as “night soil” and the removalists thereof as “night soil carriers”. However, the more common terminology was “dunny” for the toilet, “dunny man” for the removalists and “dunny cart” for the truck. The toilets had the rear wall on the rear boundary with a small door at the back allowing removal of the full pan and insertion of an empty one, hence the numerous lanes at the rear of properties in the older suburbs. These lanes, known officially as “night soil lanes” and more commonly as “dunny lanes”, no longer serve a purpose, so that local Councils are allowing owners to purchase their piece of the adjoining lane.

- The wash tubs hanging on the fence.

- The timber poles at the front of the pic, which may be props to raise the clothes line.

Quotes: Lewis Carroll

'Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?' he asked.

'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'

- Lewis Carroll (1832 - 1898)

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

Soul Cake

Gordon Matthew Sumner, aka Sting, will turn 60 on 02.10.2011. Those of you humming Message in a Bottle or Roxanne can now feel suitably old. Sting released a new album last Christmas and it is worth getting. Called If On A Winter’s Night, it is not so much a Christmas album as a winter album, a collection of traditional but lesser known carols, traditional English songs, lullabies and his own compositions. 

 

One track on the album, Soul Cake, is a traditional and catchy song that dates from the Middle Ages.

Sting’s performance of it can be viewed at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAeTifNBYlo

Quotes: Matthew Hayden

"You never want an Australian with his back against the wall. You put any 12 blokes together and you'll get a job done. Whether it's getting a bogged four-wheel-drive off the beach or standing in front of a cricket wicket and making sure we're in a dominant position. It's the same dog, different leg action, so to speak."

- Matthew Hayden (1971 - )

Jack Lang, Part 2

Jack Lang

Part 2

In his speech at the opening of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, Lang called for unity and reconciliation. He achieved neither. Events in the short period after the opening of the Bridge would see such hopes and words ignored and trampled upon.

There have been a number of rebellions in Australia:

- the miners’ rebellion at the Eureka Stockade in Ballarat, in 1854;

- the Rum Rebellion in New South Wales in 1808, the only successful armed takeover of government in Australian history;

- the convict rebellion in 1804 that led to the Battle of Vinegar Hill.

Lang was about to bring another to that list and, in so doing, brought the Commonwealth of Australia and New South Wales to the brink of civil war.

Moments in History: Lt F P Bethune

Special Orders to No.1 Section 13/3/18

(1) This position will be held, and the section will remain here until relieved.

(2) The enemy cannot be allowed to interfere with this programme.

(3) If the section cannot remain here alive, it will remain here dead, but in any case it will remain here.

(4) Should any man, through shell shock or other cause, attempt to surrender, he will remain here dead.

(5) Should all guns be blown out, the section will use Mills grenades and other novelties.

(6) Finally, the position as stated, will be held.

F.P. Bethune Lt

O/C No.1 Section

-  Orders issued by Lieutenant F.P. Bethune (1877 – 1942) to his group of seven men in No.1 section, 3rd Machine Gun Company, when sent to defend an exposed position at  Passchendaele in France in March 1918.

Bethune was a clergyman from Tasmania who had enlisted in the AIF in Hobart on the 1 July 1915. Interestingly, Bethune chose to enlist as a soldier rather than as a padre, seeing action numerous times, being wounded and also gassed twice.

After Bethune had issued  the above orders, the unit repulsed repeated attacks over an 18 day period. They were also subjected to constant artillery barrages of high explosive, shrapnel and gas shells. All survived. The orders were later circulated throughout the allied armies in France and embodied in British Army Orders until 1940. Twenty-two years later, after the fall of Dunkirk, they were reproduced as posters under the caption 'The spirit which won the last war' and displayed throughout England.

Rangas...

“Deeply off the record - I think the timetable & struggle to get candidates reflects internal poll - pre & post the ranga".

- Barry O’Farrell, NSW Opposition leader, accidentally sends a tweet public instead of private, in response to a question as to why the Liberal Party has yet to select its candidates for the federal seats of Greenway and Parramatta despite the imminent announcement of an election. The “ranga” (redhead) referred to is Prime Minister Julia Gillard. 15 July 2010

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/oops-ofarrell-off-the-record-tweet-20100715-10bo7.html

Good Morning

In the last couple of weeks I have had a number of people mention to me that I must be up early to send out the Bytes for the day at sparrow's fart.* The emails generally go out between 6.00am and 7.00am.

I must disillusion you.

This blog has been created from a Google template where you can select various motifs, heading styles, layouts and so

The blog sends out the emails, not me.  Once the day's email has gone out, I can post the next day's items at any time of the day and they will be emailed out the next morning on each occasion.  I am not pressing the send key at 6.00am each day.

By the way, have you ever noticed that watches and clocks in advertisements usually have their hands in the 10 past 10 position.  This is so that the hands frame the manufacturer's name.  In the past they were commonly shown in the 20 past 8 position but it was felt that this made a symbolic frown, thereby imparting a negative message.  It is considered that the 10 past 10 position  is symbolic of a smile.

(I confess that I still prefer my watch to have hands, not numbers, my  books to be  print on paper and my diary to be in book form, not electronic).

* Sparrow's Fart, according to the Urban Dictionary, is defined as "The earliest time of the morning. About the time when all the sparrows get up and let out a little fart signifying their awakening."

Great Replies: John Wilkes

John Montagu (1718 – 1792), the 4th Earl of Sandwich, after whom the Sandwich Islands were named, had a political career that included First Lord of the Admiralty. He is best known for having the sandwich also named after him, from a 24 hour stint at the gambling tables when he told a servant to simply put roast beef between bread for a meal.

John Wilkes (1727 -1797) pictured above, was an English radical, journalist and politician.

Both were members of the Hellfire Club, a club of notable men of the day that met for debauchery. As a result of a prank played at the Hellfire Club by Wilkes, in one account described as introducing a dressed baboon wearing a cape, Montagu is said to have been embarrassed, giving rise to hostility towards Wilkes and a long time rivalry. Who knows, perhaps Montagu made a pass at the baboon thinking it was a person.

In one heated argument in Parliament, Montague said scornfully and derisively to Wilkes "Upon my soul, Wilkes, I don't know whether you'll die upon the gallows, or of the pox.”

Wilkes replied: "That will depend, my Lord, on whether I embrace your principles, or your mistress."

More Aussie slang

Following on from the post about disappearing Aussie slang, Byter Nadia asked for an item on the origin of the expression “better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick”, meaning better than nothing.

My researches have not established anything definitive about its origin.

The earliest recorded use of an equivalent expression is from 1786, “better than a thump on the back with a stone”.

There are variations to the above “burnt stick” expression, which is generally accepted to be Australian in origin:

- better than a smack in the eye

- better than a kick in the ass with a frozen foot (Canadian)

- better than a kick up the arse (or in the pants) (British)

- better than a slap in the belly with a wet fish (British)

- better than sleeping with a dead policeman (British)

Nadia’s other request, the origin of the expression “telling porkies”, meaning telling lies, is a lot easier. Its origin is Cockney rhyming slang, “pork pies” meaning “lies”, reduced later to “porkies”.

That expression was used a lot in headlines when, in June 2010, Primo, Australia’s largest producer of smallgoods was hit with a fine of $237,575 plus $200,000 in costs for mislabelling Danish and Canadian bacon products as Australian. The Daily Telegraph declared that Primo had told porkies about bacon.

Lawyers, Priests and Nazis

Some lawyer items today and not a single lawyer joke.

Okay, just one...

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road, identified by the pin striped suit and brief case, he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the loud, satisfying "THUMP", and then swerve back onto the road.

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.

He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"

"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.

"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."

"That's okay, my son",  replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

Origin: Red Tape

Red tape, meaning excessive and often unnecessary paperwork, rules, regulations and formalities which hinder or prevent effective actions and decisions, is a term that has been with us since the 17th century. It originates from the practice of binding legal and official documents in red cloth tape.

The first recorded reference of the term is in the 1696-1715 Maryland Laws:

"The Map upon the Backside thereof sealed with his Excellency's Seal at Arms on a Red Cross with Red Tape."

Apparently the 80 or so petitions for divorce that Henry VIII sent to the Pope in respect of his marriage to Catherine of Aragon are still stored neatly in the Vatican, each still bound in its original red tape.

Last Words: General John Sedgwick

“What? Men dodging this way for single bullets? What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? I am ashamed of you. They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist…”

- General John Sedgwick (1813-1864)

Union Army general, shot by a Confederate sharpshooter during the American Civil War

Plume

Yesterday I posted a 1938 photo of Parramatta Road at Five Dock.  In the forefront of the photograph was a sign bearing the word "Plume", causing Byter Steve to send me an email asking what it represented.

Plume was a brand of petrol which played a significant role in Australia's development. 

In 1895 the Vacuum Oil Company established in Australia, 30 years after setting up operations in the US.  This was the first oil company with operations based in Australia, rather than selling oil products in in Australia by Australian agents for American companies. The company  introduced its Plume brand of petrol in 1916.

In  the US the Vacuum Oil Company eventually became Mobilgas and then Mobil.  In Australia the  Flying Red Horse logo was introduced for Plume in 1939, with the name being changed to Mobilgas in 1954.

Vintage Photographs: Parramatta Road

(Click on pic to enlarge).

Parramatta Rd, NSW, 1938, looking east from Five Dock towards Ashfield.

Colemanballs

Yesterday I posted a sports gaffe by Harry Carpenter.

Sports commentators are particularly prone to verbal gaffes, sometimes because of the excitement of play, sometimes because of the need to fill quiet moments with commentary and sometimes simply because what was said didn’t come out right, although it is usually clear as to what was intended to be conveyed.

Such gaffes have their own name, Colemanballs, coined by Private Eye magazine and named after BBC broadcaster David Coleman, who was renowned for such bloopers. The "balls" part of the term  is a shortening of “balls up”.

Here are some Colemanballs by David Coleman himself:

"And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class. "

"We estimate, and this isn't an estimation, that Greta Waitz is 80 seconds behind."

"He is accelerating all the time. That last lap was run in 64 seconds and the one before in 62."

"And the line up for the final of the Women's 400 metres hurdles includes three Russians, two East Germans, a Pole, a Swede and a Frenchman."

"The Republic of China, back in the Olympic Games for the first time."

"That's the fastest time ever run, but it's not as fast as the world record."

Bonus extra:

The following Colemanball is a famous classic by BBC commentator Brian Johnston. It occurred during a 1976 Test match at The Oval when the West Indies’ Michael Holding was bowling to England’s Peter Willey:

“The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey.”

More Colemanballs in future posts.

Sports Gaffes: Harry Carpenter

"Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."

-Harry Carpenter (BBC TV, University Boat Race 1977)

The Frog and the Scorpion

Those who have seen the 1992 flick The Crying Game may remember the story that Jody tells Fergus in the context of good and bad people, the story being a metaphor for the movie as a whole:

Scorpion wants to cross a river, but he can't swim. Goes to the frog, who can, and asks for a ride. Frog says, "If I give you a ride on my back, you'll go and sting me." Scorpion replies, "It would not be in my interest to sting you since as I'll be on your back we both would drown." Frog thinks about this logic for a while and accepts the deal. Takes the scorpion on his back. Braves the waters. Halfway over feels a burning spear in his side and realizes the scorpion has stung him after all. And as they both sink beneath the waves the frog cries out, "Why did you sting me, Mr. Scorpion, for now we both will drown?" Scorpion replies, "I can't help it, it's in my nature."

See it at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0I44-XPk2A

The meaning of the story is clear: creatures (including people) will remain true to their natures, irrespective of external influences. The frog takes the scorpion at its word and agrees to transport the scorpion, notwithstanding that there is nothing in it for the frog. The scorpion on the other hand will remain true to its dangerous innate nature, even though it is treated with trust and kindness.

Quote: Barbara Bush

“At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict, or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent.”

-  Barbara Bush (1925 - )

(Btw, the above pic was taken in 1940).

Jack Lang, Part 1

(The following article, in 3 parts, is a repost of a past email..  It is worth reading, although lengthy, and is a fascinating and momentous part of our history).

A dismissal by the Queen’s representative of an elected government in Australia and a global economic downturn resulting in significant adverse effects in Australia. Sounds like the dismissal of the Whitlam government in 1975 and the recent global crisis, doesn’t it? But these two events happened earlier in Australia’s history and involved a man who was both loved and reviled, Jack Lang.

I have been reading Gerald Stone’s book 1932: A Hell of a Year and I can heartily recommend it to those interested in history, particularly Australian history, and to those who think that all politicians are a bunch of dishonest, amoral, opportunistic, selfish bastards.

1932 was a momentous year: the Great Depression, the opening of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, possible rebellion by the New Guard, the Commonwealth v NSW, the Bodyline Tour, the death of Phar Lap and the passion and the conflicts of Jack Lang.

Before hearing Gerald Stone on radio being interviewed about his book I had only a sketchy knowledge of Lang. I knew that the dismissal of his government by the Governor Sir Philip Game had been used as a precedent for the sacking of the Whitlam Government and I thought that he was one of Labor’s beloved sons. The interview prompted me to buy the book. The book prompted me to read further. The reading further has prompted me to want to share it with you.

Vintage Ads

(Click on pic to enlarge).

Pox Doctor's Clerks...

A few posts ago I mentioned the loss of Australian slang and the increasing Americanisation of language and culture.

Some years ago I read an article by Phillip Adams that dealt with the same issue. He made a proposal inspired by the Ray Bradbury novel Fahrenheit 451, a story set in some unspecified future where books are banned and the job of firemen is to burn books discovered in the illegal possession of citizens. The government disseminates information via electronic communication, thereby controlling knowledge, information and thought. One fireman, Guy Montag, secretly keeps a book and begins questioning what he has been taught to believe. This leads to more books being kept and eventually to discussions with dissident individuals. Montag is forced to burn his books and house when he is reported, causing him to kill his captain and flee into the wilderness. There he finds a community of people determined to keep the subject matter of books alive. Admission into the community is allowed only where an individual has memorised a book..

Adams suggested that just as individuals in Fahrenheit 451 were each keeping alive a book, so we should preserve and keep alive Australian colloquialisms and slang by each person adopting one Australian slang expression and using it whenever possible.

That made a lot of sense to me so, with Mr Adams, I began doing my bit for the Australian vernacular.

I adopted as my expression the phrase “dressed up like a pox doctor’s clerk”.

Quote: Michel de Montaigne

“There is nothing more notable in Socrates than that he found time, when he was an old man, to learn music and dancing, and thought it time well spent”

~ Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)

Vuvuzelas - Annoying people since 1660

Thanks to Byter Tom for emailing me the above pic.

The Goons, Charles Laughton and Errol Flynn

Steve, whose hero is Spike Milligan and who has been prolific with comments in the last few days (and don't get me wrong, I appreciate feedback), sent me a message in response to yesterday's item about The Goons.  He asked whether I had heard the story about Peter Sellers turning up on Spike's doorstep one morning and set out his recollection of it.  I confess that I had not heard this story before.

Some research established that the story is a true one and I quote it from a story about Claire Bloom, who was associated with the show:

"Peter and Spike were real characters," she recalled. "They always enjoyed playing tricks on one another. For example, one morning at 3 am Milligan, who lived opposite Sellers was roused from a deep sleep by a knock on his door. When he opened it he found Sellers standing there naked except for a Bowler hat, socks and shoes.

‘Good morning! Do you know a good tailor?’ Peter asked.

Milligan said he got his own back by sending him a telegram the next day saying, "Ignore first telegram."

http://www.rfsoc.org.uk/jim14.shtml

A story I had heard some years back about Errol Flynn and Charles Laughton has been harder to verify.  It may or may not be true but it is consistent with both Charles Laughton's aloof manner and  Errol Flynn's mischievous nature and. shall we say,  reputation.

The story goes as follows:

Charles Laughton was hosting a fancy dress party at his home in Hollywood in the 1940's. 

When he answered the doorbell he found Errol on his doorstep, totally naked except for a large loaf of bread he had strapped to his front and another he had strapped to his back.  He had then poured tomato sauce over himself and was coming as a hot dog.

Laughton looked him up and down through his monocle and finally said:

"Errol, I don't know why you bothered.  You could have just slung it over your shoulder and come as a petrol bowser."