Friday, March 1, 2013

Funny Friday

As much as I have tried to develop in Kate an appreciation of a good fart joke, she remains unimpressed with humour relating to the old trouser toot, the bottom burp, the air biscuit, the panty cough. 

This seems a little narrow when fart jokes have first been recorded in works from the 5th century BC and have also been featured in 1001 Arabian Nights Tales and in Chaucer’s The Miller’s Tale

There have been books written about the topic: 





The wonderful Leslie Nielsen made his last joke a fart joke from beyond the grave. This is his headstone: 


Anyone who like to look deeper into farting (that somehow didn't come out the way it was supposed to, and neither did that) should read Davy King's article "An Ill Wind (Some Fascinating Facts and Fantasies about Farting)" at:

Here is an extract:
The Symbolism of the fart is presumably cognate with that of Wind, which is the fecundating principle, the creative breath, but also suggestive of the violent eruption of the unconscious elements into the unguarded psyche. According to one esoteric Creation Myth, life on earth began when God the Farter first broke wind. This image of the Almighty Cosmic Fart can be interpreted as a primitive version of the Big Bang Theory.
I have previously mentioned some classic film farts:

Here are some of the best other items (apologies for repeating one) . . 
__________

Who hasn’t seen the classic, politically incorrect but funny Saturday Night Live skit of Robert De Niro portraying Craig Fenson, the spokesperson at the Homeland Security briefing. Here is a part: 


Craig Fenson: Good afternoon. In the past few weeks, through our national hotline, we have collected hundreds of names of suspected terrorists, and I'm proud to say that most of the calls have come from high school and college students nationwide. In fact, we received over 475 calls alone regarding this man: M'Balz Es-Hari. We also received information on such nefarious terrorists such as Graabir Boubi, and Haid D'Salaami and.. let this be a message to you, Haid D'Salaami: we will not play your dangerous games We are also currently searching for a man we believe to be an Al Queda lieutenant: Hous Bin Pharteen, his cousin I-Bin Pharteen, and their close companion I-Zheet M'Drurz. Question over there? 

Reporter #1: Is there a way to identify Hous Bin Pharteen? 

Craig Fenson: Ah.. our operatives have picked up his scent. Also, according to our intelligence, he is targeting gas refineries, fertilizer plants, and, oddly enough, baked bean canneries. He is a silent, but deadly killer. 

Watch it by clicking on: 
__________

The local priest goes over to an old parishioner's house for a chat and a cup of tea. He's there for half an hour when he has a huge need to fart. Luckily he notices that the old guy's dog has come over and is lying under his chair. Maybe, he figures, the old guy will think the dog farted. He sneaks out a fart and soon a horrible smell fills the room. 

"Rover!!", yells the old man. "Get out of there you stupid dog!!!" The dog runs out and the priest is relieved. 

About five minutes later the dog returns and not long after that the priest has to fart again. He lets another one go. It's one of those thick smelly ones that seem to cling to the curtains. 

"Rover!!! You stupid dog!!! Get out from there!!!" yells the old guy and the dog takes off. 

About five minutes later the priest has to fart again. He holds on for about ten minutes until the dog returns and lies under his chair again. Again he lets go a fart that would bring tears to your eyes. 

"ROVER!!!!". yells the old bloke, "YOU STUPID DOG!!!! GET OUT FROM UNDER THERE BEFORE HE SHITS ON YOU!!!" 
__________

An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through the service she leans over and says, "I just had a silent fart what do you think I should do?" 

He replies "Put a new battery in your hearing aid." 
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Edward Lear, the 19th century English landscape painter, wrote affectionately of a favourite farting Dutchess who gave enormous dinner parties attended by the cream of society. One night she let out a ripper and quick as a flash she turned her gaze to her stoic butler, standing, as always, behind her.

"Hawkins!" she cried. "Hawkins, stop that!"

"Certainly, your Grace," he replied with unhurried dignity. "Which way did it go?" 
__________

Two Indian gentlemen on a train were deep in discussion. 

One said “It is W - O - O - M." 

“No,” said the other, “It is W - O - O - M - B." 

“No, no, no you silly, silly man, it is W - O - O - M !” 

W - O - O - M - B !” 

A refined English lady, looking and sounding somewhat like Dame Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey, overhears and eventually addresses them: 

“Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear, the word is spelt W – O – M - B. Womb.” 

One of the Indian gentleman pauses, looks at her and says:

“With all respect madam, we really do not think that you know what it sounds like when a hippopotamus farts underwater.” 
    LIMERICK SPOT    

The bawdy rugby song "Twas On The Good Ship Venus" includes a verse about a flatulent first-mate that is actually in the form of a limerick:- 

The first-mate's name was Carter 
By Christ he was a farter 
When the wind didn't blow 
and the ship wouldn't go 
They got Carter the Farter to start 'er"

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