A mixed bag for the start of February, readers.
Risque content ahead.
A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying, "Free to good home—you want it you take it." For three days, the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.
He eventually decided that people were rather skeptical about such a good deal, so he changed the sign to read, "Fridge for sale, $50."
The next day, someone stole it.
I found 20 dollars outside the supermarket and I felt a little bit guilty as I picked it up and thought to myself, “What would Jesus do?”.
So I turned it into wine...
I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.
Two from the vault, both topical . . .
A good friend of mine has two tickets for the 2022 Super Bowl, 50 yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realise last year when he bought them that it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If anyone is interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.
It's at St. Michaels Church, at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be the one in the white dress.
Sam is a nice young man who has fallen in love with a girl he has just met.
When Sam tells his father about her, the father just wants to know her family name. When Sam tells him that the girl's name is Ford, his father says that Ford is not a good Jewish name and he must forget her and go find a Jewish girl.
Time passes and Sam finds another girl. Her name is Smith so his father tells him to find a nice Jewish girl with a nice Jewish name.
More time passes and Sam finds another girl, but this time he is sure that he has solved the problem because the girl's name is Goldberg. "Goldberg," exclaims his father, "this makes me very happy because it's a real good Jewish name, and from a good established family."
Then his father asks, "Is her first name one of my favourite names, like Rachael, or Rebecca?"
"No Father," replies Sam, "It's Whoopi."
LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
There was a young man of Khartoum,
The strength of whose balls was his doom.
So strong was his shootin',
The third law of Newton
Propelled the poor chap to the Moon.
VIDEO OF THE WEEK:
I went into a library,
"Excuse me," I said, "have you any books on camouflage? " I asked.
"I haven’t seen any " replied the librarian.
I received an email from a Nigerian Prince asking for my bank details.
After looking at my account, he sent me money.
Why is coronavirus like Groundhog Day?… If you stick your head outside and encounter another person, you get 6 more weeks of quarantine.
Don't read Part backwards
It's a trap
You can't say "GOOD EYE MIGHT"
Without sounding Australia