Thursday, March 24, 2022

MORE UNOFFICIAL RULES FOR LIVING IN AUSTRALIA



Russell Crowe is Australian. Unless he screws up. then he’s from New Zealand.

Mel Gibson was Australian until he drunkenly blamed Jews for all the world's problems. Then suddenly everyone remembered he was born in the USA. Just wait till Nicole Kidman fucks up. We’ll be reminding everyone she was born in Hawaii.

To add to the drop bear thing - If someone else is telling a tall tale to wind tourists up, you are legally obligated to back them up. "Oh it's no joke, remember Stevo? Took his arm clean off."

Don't park outside of someone's house continuously. Yes everyone has a right to park on the road. But socially speaking, stick to your own boundary. If you are stupid enough to buy on a 200sqm block, get a bicycle and a bus pass.

If you visit a country town and follow the lead of the locals, you will do alright and may be invited to visit again.

The Kingston biscuit is reserved for special occasions: e.g. you have guests over, you just got promoted, or you are feeling a bit fancy. It is not a biscuit for ordinary snacking.

When telling a story, “the other day” could be anywhere from yesterday to about 5 years ago.

You bring a slab not a 6pack

You must know all the lyrics to Khe Sahn

Australia is pronounced with 1.5 syllables, no more.
Straya

Been busy? Flat out like a lizard drinkin’

"Bring a plate" means to bring a plate of food to help with a party/bbq/etc.
It does not mean to literally "bring just a plate"

You must mash the crossing button at least 5 times to make it work. If the lights haven't changed quick enough, you must press the button more to speed it up...

If something is really good, it's "half decent"

If you say something polite like “good morning” or “how are you” when you're out walking and the other person doesn’t say anything, you have to say loudly and sarcastically “Yep, I’m good thanks”

It does not matter how good our team is. It does not matter how bad England are. It does not matter how many arseholes are in our team or whether England are good blokes. Beating England in cricket is the essence of being Australian.

Don't be a whinger. Just don’t. Suck it up princess, we all have problems.

Saying "no worries mate" when somebody says sorry or thanks you for something.

You don't say "that was really good!" You say "how good was that?"

No shirt in the woolies two blocks from the beach: normal No shirt in the woolies three blocks from the beach: bogan

Look after your mates

Treat everyone with dignity and respect, unless they prove to you in some way they don't deserve either and the rip them a new one.

Politicians are never, EVER to be trusted. Even the good ones are probably bastards.

Have a pair of Dunlop Volleys at least once growing up

Kimmy! Kimmy. Kimmy, look at moi. Look at moi. Look at moiii. I've got one word to say to you-
Whenever someone isn't paying attention

The great wall of China was built to keep the rabbits out

If a beer is not cold then it is not worth drinking

Tomato sauce is the only condiment you need

Don’t be a dobber.

Kenoath mate





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