Thursday, December 12, 2019

WHY YOU NEVER MAKE A SNOWMAN

A contribution from Leo M . . . thanks Leo.

It snowed last night, so... 


8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man/women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crew from the media showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

By noon it all melted

Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.


Alternative version:

“What a morning...”
8:00 I made a snowman.
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
8:15 I made a snow woman.
8:17 The nanny of the neighbours complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest.
8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead.
8:25 The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf.
8:40 Someone calls the cops who show up to see what’s going on.
8:42 I am told the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon. Things get worse after I mutter : "Yeah, if it's up your a***"
8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am blindfolded and flown to the police station in a helicopter.
9:00 I'm on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble at this sensitive time.
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices.
9:29 ISIS just claimed responsibility...


If you think this is extreme, it would never happen in real life, I came across a news item from 2018 that there are moves in the UK to get rid of the term “snowman” and replace it with “snowperson”.  Apparently the thinking is that 'snowmen' should be called 'snowpeople' to promote gender equality.  See:

In November 2018 the BBC was accused of 'indoctrinating' children with politically-correct language after a new show used the term 'snowpeople' instead of snowmen.  Parents complained to the BBC after the gender-neutral term was used in children's programme Catie's Amazing Machines, where front person Catie Munnings said 'Snow is amazing. You get to build snowpeople and go sledging.'



It reminds me that someone once commented (tongue in cheek) that the word “person” is not gender-neutral because it finishes on the word “son”.  It was suggested that “peroffspring” might be a better alternative.



1 comment:

  1. you are making fun of the diversity by pulling it to the extreme and making a cheap (if sometimes funny) shot. Know that some of those crazy characters of yours are discriminated all their lives and on the daily bases. Police indeed comes... but not for "you" but for feminists, vegans, racially profiled people. It is so easy to point to others when you obviously don't know that you are standing on the pedestal of privileged. I feel pity for you! And most of the people do not have snow nor leisure to make snowmen.Go ahead and make your white snowmen and just put he crown of (fake) thorns on your head and show how much you suffer from the hordes of feminists, vegans, Muslims, atheists, disabled, etc.

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