“Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I is sure of eet.”
“Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee.”
So with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon. There’s raw bacon, dripping with moisture… fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon - every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!
“Pepe, Pepe - we ees saved - eees a bacon tree!”
“Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don’ forget.”
“Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon? Ees no meerage - ees a bacon tree.”
And with that, Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres - Pepe following closely behind - when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
“Pepe, go back man - you was right, ees not a bacon tree.”
“Luis, Luis, mi amigo… what ees eet?”
“Pepe, ees not a bacon tree… ees...
(wait for it)
... a Ham Bush.”