Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Ever noticed how your voice gets louder when you speak to people who don’t speak English well? My lecturer at uni said “Remember, they have trouble with English, they’re not deaf.”

Sometimes humorous stories impart an element of wisdom and insight...

A motorist is driving past a mental hospital on a dark, moonless night when he gets a flat tyre.

As he begins to change the tyre, he notices that one of the patients is looking at him over the top of the fence whilst leaning his arms and chin on the fence.

Nervous, trying to work quickly, he jacks up the car, takes off the wheel, puts the wheel nuts into the hubcap on the ground and gets the spare tyre.

Whilst taking the spare tyre to the wheel, he steps on the hubcap, sending the wheel nuts clattering into a storm drain.

The mental patient is still watching him through the fence.

The motorist desperately looks into the storm drain but the wheel nuts are gone. He paces back and forth in the dark with the patient still watching him, trying to think of what to do.

Finally the patient says "Take one wheel nut off each of the other wheels and put them on this wheel and you’ll have three on each. That will get you home and tomorrow you can take it to your mechanic and get the missing wheel nuts replaced.”

"That's brilliant," says the motorist, "What's someone like you doing in an asylum?"

“I might be crazy,” replied the patient, “but I’m not stupid.”

Another story about changing tyres that is topical and humorous but not educational:

Kristina Keneally is being driven to her next function  in her government car when it has a flat tyre. Try as he might, the driver can’t get the hubcap off, having only his hands to work with.

After some time, KK leans out of the window and says “Would you like a screwdriver?”

“Might as well,” replies the driver, “I’m not getting anywhere with this hubcap.”
A final  classic about government cars, again no instruction or insights, just humour:

John Howard was being driven back to Canberra from Sydney along the Federal Highway one evening. In the dark, they run over a pig.

There is a farmhouse nearby and Howard tells his driver to go and tell the occupants about the pig so that they can claim compensation.

He's gone for about two hours and comes back staggering, lipstick on his face, drunk, holding a bottle of champagne and smoking a large cigar.

Howard says to him ”What kept you?”

The driver says “Boss, all I know is that when I told them what had happened, the man of the house insisted I have sex with his daughter, drink champaghne and smoke his finest cigars.”

“My God.” says Howard, “exactly what did you say to him?’

“Well, I knocked on the door and said ‘I’m John Howard’s driver and I’ve just killed the pig.’ Then the father offered me his daughter, gave me champagne and shared his cigars.”

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