Friday, June 20, 2014

Funny Friday


Today’s theme: putting the “fun” back into “funeral . . .

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I got so excited the first time I was in a limousine I got a little bit giddy. Started mooning out the window. 

Got in serious shit too. I was told I was upsetting the other mourners.

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A group of men were out golfing. As one was ready to take his shot, a funeral procession drove by the golf course. The man stopped what he was doing, put down his club, and took off his hat and placed it over his heart. One of the other men commented "That's not like you, Harry, normally you wouldn't let anything interrupt your golf." Harry looked back at him and said, "Well, it's the least I can do, we would have been married 30 years this Friday . . ."

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I was driving along the other day, when I noticed that these two guys in dark suits and sunglasses had been making all the same turns I had for the last 2 miles.

I decided to speed up a bit, and sure enough, they sped up too. I started to make sharp turns, weave through traffic and even made a U-turn, but every time I looked in my rear view, they were right there behind me.

In the end, I mounted the pavement, flew up to this roundabout at 100kph indicating right, and took the first left, before I finally shook them off.

It was lucky no one was injured as well; the coffin nearly flew out the back of the hearse.

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I was at my dad’s funeral yesterday and my mum told me to leave the church if I found it boring. I could not believe it! Totally put me off my Mexican wave.

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A football fan was sitting next to a vacant seat at the State of Origin match. The man on the other side of the vacant seat said “It’s a shame that someone has been prevented from being here.” 

The man said, “No. It would have been for my wife, but she’s passed away.” 

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that,” the spectator said. Then he added, “Gosh, why didn’t you give that extra ticket to a friend?” 

“I tried,” said the first man, “but they’re all at the funeral.”

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My wife turned to me during her mother’s funeral and hissed, "When we get home later, I'm going to make you pay for this!"

For the life of me I couldn't think of what I had done wrong.

Maybe it's because I wasn't sharing my popcorn.

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A man was leaving a cafe, when he noticed a very unusual funeral procession.
A funeral coffin was followed by a second one.
And behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog .
And behind him was queue of 200 men solemnly walking in line.
The onlooking man couldn’t contain his curiosity, he approached the man walking with the dog.
I am so sorry to disturb you sir, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this with so many walking in a straight line, who’s funeral is it?"
The lead walker replied “There in that first coffin is my wife.”
“What happened to her?”
“My dog attacked and killed her.”
“And the second coffin? he questioned.
“Its my mother in law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her as well!!”

A silent moment passed and than the onlooker asked “Can I borrow the dog?"
The mourner replied..
“Get in the line”.

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Corn corner:

Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.

It was a lovely service.

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And a bonus corn corner item:



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