Wednesday, October 14, 2015

More limericks

Caution: risque content below.

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There was a young man named Colquhoun
Who kept as a pet a babuhoun
His mother said "Cholmondeley,
I don't think it's colmondeley
To feed your babuhoun with a spuhoun".

Note:
"Colquhoun" is pronounced "Cahoon";
"Cholmondely" is pronounced "Chumly"

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A doctor whose penis turned green
Asked a medico what did it mean
He said "It's a curse
From bonking that nurse
Too close to the X-ray machine!"

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There once was a man from Dundee,
Whose limericks always stopped at line three,
I don't know why.

There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two.

There once was a man from Verdun.

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On the chest of a barmaid in Sale
Were tattooed all the prices of ale.
Whilst on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was precisely the same but in Braille.

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By W H Auden:

As the poets have mournfully sung
Death comes to the innocent young,
To the rolling in money,
The screamingly funny,
And to the very well hung.

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A very sad poet was Jenny.
Her limericks weren't worth a penny.
In technique they were sound,
Yet somehow she found
Whenever she tried to write any
She always wrote one line too many.

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There once was a lady from Bude
Who went for a swim, in the nude.
A man in a punt
Stuck his pole in the water
And said "You can't swim here. It's private."

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There once was a girl named Hortense.
The size of her breasts was immense.
One day playing soccer
Out popped her left knocker
And she kicked it right over the fence.


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