Some humour to help you get through the day to the weekend, a collection of guffaws, smiles, rib ticklers, groans, eye rolls and snorts . . .
"Jesus loves you"...
Wonderful to hear in a church.....
... Terrifying to hear in a Mexican jail.
Is it just me or do you wish people would think to themselves “Would this phone call be better as a text?” before calling you?
The wife phoned me and said, "You better come to the hospital. My mother hasn't got long to live!" I replied "But Australia is playing a test against the Poms." She said "Record it and watch it later."
You should have seen her face when I turned up at the hospital with the camcorder and the tripod!
On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls, "And get me another whisky you bitch". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach, "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick your arse.”
Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly you're a lippy bastard!"
Finest of Funny Friday:
A certain psychiatrist had fallen into the habit, each day after work, to stop in the local bar for a drink to relax. Being a man of strange tastes, his favourite drink was a chicory daiquiri.
Dick, the bartender, had only this one customer who requested this strange concoction, but because the doctor was a regular, he kept a supply of chicory, in the refrigerator. The doctor always stopped in at the same time every day, so Dick was able to prepare the drink ahead of time and have it ready and waiting for this regular customer.
One day, as Dick was preparing for the doctors arrival, he discovered he had run out of chicory. He was frantic to find a solution to his problem. Then he noticed a bottle of hickory flavoring on the shelf. In the hopes the doctor would not notice, he prepared the drink and slid it onto the bar just as his customer sat down.
After the Doctor took the first sip, he asked "Is this a Chicory daiquiri Dick?"
"No,” said Dick, “It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc!"
(Okay, maybe this should have bneen in Corn Corner).
I've just seen that Queen film, Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't decide whether it was real life or just fantasy.
My girlfriend said she left me because i act like a TV anchorman!
...In other news...
My grief counsellor died recently, but luckily he was so good I didn’t give a shit.