Given that it is Valentine’s Day on Sunday, what better them for Friday than love, marriage and relationships.
A man is going to buy flowers for his wife on Valentine's Day.
There is one other man with him who he starts talking to. "It's so dumb you have to spend so much money on something that is just going to die" the other man said.
"Yeah,” he replied, “and it's a real shame you have to buy them flowers.”
For Valentine's Day, I booked the most expensive table at a restaurant that's named after the underworld.
When my girlfriend asked me where we were eating, I told her I'd reserved a special place in Hell for us.
My wife called me on Valentine's Day.
She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentine’s Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."
I said, "Well that's probably why they've received flowers then."
I didn't get a Valentine’s Day card today but I got a Summons.
At least I'm wanted somewhere.
"Mansplain" is a terrible word to use because it has more letters than explain and is therefore more difficult for women to understand.
FROM THE VAULT:
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Arrive naked... with beer.
LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
My wife says that at housework I suck,
She yelled "Do some cleaning, you schmuck!"
I said “Cleanin’ and dustin’
Crimps my drinkin’ and lustin’,
She said "no dustin’, no lustin’!"...WTF?!!
You may have seen the story of the lawyer in Texas who appeared in virtual court via audio visual link and who accidentally was depicted as a cat. The video can be viewed by clicking on:
The video and the story behind it can also be viewed at:
Some related items . . .
I always get Halloween and Valentine's Day confused.
They're both about candy and being something you're not.
What's the difference between singles and eggs on Valentine's day?
The eggs get laid!
My wife told me "For Valentine's Day, nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace."
So I got her nothing.
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"