FUNNY FRIDAY

---- 😊😊😊 -----

Hello Byters.

Given that yesterday’s post was a poem and tomorrow’s post will be another one, it seems appropriate that this is the theme for today’s Funny Friday.

Enjoy.

Caution: risque content ahead.

---- 😊😊😊 -----

SOME HUMOUR:

__________

MARCUS: Happy birthday, Bob. I have a poem for you.

BOB: Cool! Let me hear it!

MARCUS: Don’t worry about the past — you can’t change it.

Don’t worry about the future — you can’t predict it.

And don’t worry about the present — I didn’t get you one.

__________

I woke early one morning,

The earth lay cool and still,

When suddenly a tiny bird,

Perched on my window sill.

He sang a song so lovely,

So carefree and so gay,

That slowly all my troubles,

Seemed to slip away.

He sang of far-off places,

Of laughter and of fun,

It seemed his very trilling,

Brought up the morning sun.

I stirred beneath my covers,

Crept slowly out of bed,

Then gently shut the window,

And crushed his fucking head.

I’m not a morning person.

__________

To my surprise, my dog composed a haiku poem yesterday! I’m here to share it with you all:

Woof woof woof woof woof

Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof

Woof woof woof woof woof

__________

I like the girls who do,

I like the girls who don't,

I like the girls who say they will,

And then decide they won't.

But the girls I like the most of all,

And I know you'll think I'm right,

Are the girls that say they never will,

But look as though they might!

Max Miller - British Music Hall Comedian from 1930's to 1950's era

---- 😊😊😊 -----

There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.

The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."

The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.

The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."

__________

My favourite teacher took a drink

But he shall drink no more,

For what he thought was H2O

Was H2SO4.

(H2O is water, H2SO4 is sulfuric acide).

___________

The Penis Poem–by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,

My pilot light is out.

What used to be my sex appeal,

Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,

From my trousers it would spring.

But now I’ve got a full time job,

To find the gosh darn thing.

It used to be embarrassing,

The way it would behave.

For every single morning,

It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches,

It sure gives me the blues.

To see it hang its little head,

And watch me tie my shoes!!

---- 😊😊😊 -----

LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

There once was a poet named Bates,

His poems weren't always first rate,

His first lines weren't bad,

But the problem he had,

Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.

There was a young poet called Dinish

Who could start but never quite finish

He began so ambitiously

Continued deliciously

Then stopped

---- 😊😊😊 -----

GALLERY:

---- 😊😊😊 -----

CORN CORNER:

__________

I dug, you dug, he dug, she dug, we all dug.

It’s not a great poem, but it’s deep.

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...

"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."

----------ooOoo----------