In a bush church one Sunday morning a preacher asks: ''Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar.''
With that, Dave gets in line and when it is his turn the preacher asks: ''Dave, what do you want me to pray about for you?'' Dave replies: ''Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.''
The preacher puts one finger of one hand in Dave's ear, places his other hand on top of Dave's head and then prays and prays and the whole congregation joins in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks: ''Dave, how is your hearing now?''
Dave answers: ''I don't know. It isn't until Thursday.''
A big city lawyer was called in on a case between a farmer and a large railroad company. The farmer had noticed that his prize cow was missing from a field that the railroad passed through and filed suit against the railroad company for the price of the cow.
The case was to be tried before a JP in a backroom of the general store, and the attorney immediately cornered the farmer and tried to have him settle out of court. Finally the farmer agreed to take 50 percent of what he wanted.
After the farmer signed the release and took the cheque, the young lawyer couldn't help but gloat a little. He told the farmer, "I hate to tell you this but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train ran through your property that morning. I didn't have a single witness to put on the stand."
The farmer replied, "Well, I have to tell you, I was also worried about the outcome if it went to court myself. You see, the damn cow came home this morning."