Friday, April 15, 2022

FUNNY FRIDAY

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This Friday also happens to be Good Friday, the day of commemoration of the death of Jesus Christ on the cross. Not being a particularly religious person, in fact not being religious at all, it also remains Funny Friday.

I heard someone last week use the word “plethora”, which reminded me of the jokes using that word which have previously been posted in Bytes. So today’s FF has some plethora jokes, some previously posted and some new. One thing is assured, you will never hear or read that word again without thinking of these jokes.

A couple of other jokes as well, including some Easter humour . . .

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A plethora of plethora . . .
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By the way:

“Plethora” comes from a similar Greek word meaning "fullness."

It was first used in English in the 16th century to describe a supposed medical condition marked by an excess volume of blood causing swelling and a reddish complexion. Later, the medical use of "plethora" was extended to indicate related medical conditions (such as an excess volume of bodily fluid or the red-skinned appearance of some newborns).

These days, however, "plethora" is more often used in a general, non-medical sense, with the meaning "excess" or "abundance."
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A man is at the funeral of an old friend.

He hesitantly approaches the deceased's wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods. The man clears his throat and says, "Plethora."

The widow smiles appreciatively. "Thank you," she says. "That means a lot."

Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a word too?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Bargain." The widow replies: "Thanks, that means a great deal."

Another man comes up and asks for the same privilege. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Earth." The widow replies, "Thank you, that means the world."

Another man comes up and asks if he could say a couple words. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Being alive." The widow replies, "Thank you, he would have liked that."

Another man comes up and asks if he could say a word. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Infinity" . The widow replies, "Thank you, that means more than you could possibly imagine."

Another man comes up and asks if he could say a word. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Fhqwhgads". The widow replies: "Thanks, you don't know what that means."

Another man comes up and says: “Mind if I say a few words too?” She says: “Please do.” The man clears his throat and says: “The Mariana Trench.” The widow replies: “Thanks, that’s really deep.”

Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a few words too?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Water pit". The widow replies: "Thanks, I know you mean well."

Another man approaches the widow and says: “I’m truly sorry for your loss, he was a great man.” The widow replies: “I’m not sure you understand what’s happening here.”
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An alternative punchline has the widow replying “It doesn't sound like you knew him at all!”
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I just want to thank the guy who lent me his dictionary to look for the meaning of the word plethora...

It means a lot
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I've had it with people reposting that joke that mistakenly implies that "plethora" means "a lot".

It's too much.
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What can you use the word “plethora” for?

Many things.
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I'm going to call my new dog Plethora.​

That might not be much to you but it means a lot to me.
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One day, at Webster Dictionary's Word Assignment Briefing...

"Nichols," Mr. Lipney, lead word assigner, said, "I'm trusting you to define plethora for next year's edition."

"Thanks Mr. Lipney," Nichols responds, beaming. "It means a lot!"
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At a crowded funeral for a popular well known man, the wife stands finally to ask “Would any of you who knew Jim like to say a few words?” An older gentleman from the back shuffled forward, took a deep breathe, and stated loudly “PLETHORA SHITLOAD FUCKTON”

The wife hugged the man firmly, and said “Thanks. That means so much.”
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Arnold Schwarzenegger didn’t get any eggs for Easter.

His wife asked, “Does this mean you hate Easter now?”

Arnold replies, in his signature accent, “No, I still love Easter, baby.”
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An already drunk man walks into a bar, shouting "Happy New Year, everybody."

The bartender answers "its Easter already, you moron."

The man becomes pale and mumbles "Oh no, I’m gonna be in real trouble with my wife when i get home..."
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Did you know Sean Connery used to save the egg shells from pancake day and paint them to use for egg hunts at Easter?

It was an egg shell lent idea
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Miss Annie was teaching Sunday school to a group of first graders.

She explained that Easter would come soon, and asked if anyone knew which holiday Easter was.

Little Suzie asked, “Is that the holiday where we get a tree, and everyone gets presents?”

Miss Annie said, “No that is Christmas.”

Little Billy asked, “Is that the holiday where we have picnics and shoot fireworks?”

Miss Annie said, “No, that is Independence Day”

Little Johnny asked, “Is that when Jesus died?”

Miss Annie said, “Very good Johnny, can you tell me anything else about Easter?”

Johnny replied, “Yeah, He rose again 3 days later, came out of a cave and saw his shadow, and there were 6 more weeks of winter!”

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Old man Cohen is getting along in years. He decides to retire and let his 3 sons run the company, which manufactures a wide variety of nails. The sons think that they can increase market-share with some judicious billboard advertising.

A week later the old man is taking his usual Sunday drive in the country when he sees a huge billboard ad with a picture of Christ on the Cross. The caption reads "Nails for Every Purpose. Use Cohen’s Nails."

The old man immediately meets with his 3 sons to voice his concern. He tells them that the backlash could be horrendous and that he wants to see no further ads showing Christ crucified. The sons agree to do so.

A week later the old man is again taking his usual Sunday drive when he sees a billboard with a picture of the same cross, empty. The caption reads “If they had used Cohen’s Nails, He would still be there.”

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

There once was a pretty young Mrs
Whose tearful but short story thrs.
Her mind lost its grasp -
Now she thinks she's an asp
And just sits in the corner and hrs.

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GALLERY:




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CORN CORNER:

I asked my grandpa “After 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What’s the secret?”

Grandpa: “I forgot her name five years ago and I’m scared to ask her."
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My roommate keeps calling me a "crazy schizophrenic"

Jokes on him, I don’t have a roommate.
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Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight . . .

There would be mass confusion.
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Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888 . . .

So when someone asks, tell them it's 12345678

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