Another Friday, time for some fun and frivolity, some japes and jests.
Enjoy, readers, especially you Noel, see you 'ere long.
A farm boy arrives late for school one day.
"Why are you late?" asks the teacher.
"I had to take the bull down to the field to mate with the cow," explains the boy.
"Couldn't your dad have done that?" asks the teacher.
"He could have," replies the boy. "But I think the bull did a better job than he would have done."
Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: “Boat number 81, your two hour rental period is up, please return to the dock.”
Boat rental intern to manager: “Uh, sir, we only have 60 boats.”
Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: “Boat number 18, do you require assistance?”
Son Thomas sent me the following item, which would ordinarily appear in the Gallery section but is relevant to the item which follows it . . .
. . . which leads into the next item . . .
A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk in a bar.
As they approach the bar, they see a blood donation booth.
The rabbit hops to the nurse to be the first to donate.
The nurse looks at him and ask: “What’s your blood group?”
The rabbit says: "I dunno, I think I might be a Type-O."
FROM THE VAULT:
A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says," How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”
Alternative end to the above joke:
The cabby turns his head and says ‟I thought you liked them a little younger, Diane.”
LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
I once had the wife of a Dean
Seven times while the Dean was out skiin'.
She remarked with some gaiety,
"Not bad for the laity,
But the Bishop once managed thirteen."
. . . but here are some items on that theme anyway . . .
Someone asked me to name two things that hold water.
And I was like, well dam.
My professor told me that I’m failing my ethics class.
So I slid 20 dollars across the table and said “What about now...?”
Instead of Drew, I'm going to name my kid Driew.
Now I know what you're thinking, but it's only weird if you say it backwards.
In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed in him
To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
My friend Tony asked me not to say his name backwards
I said "Y not."