Saturday, April 9, 2011

Tech Support

  

My kids think of me as a dinosaur because of my lack of computer skills. They have grown up with computers and technology; they are neither awed by the wonder, nor intimidated  by the ever increasing complexity, of today's machines, computers and devices.  I, on the other hand, admit that I don't know how to use the video recorder, or whatever it is called these days, that I choose not to have a face book identity and that I do not tweet. 

I therefore relate to the following, which are supposed to be genuine...

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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...

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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...

Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

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Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there anot her keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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Customer: can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.
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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

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And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

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