Thursday, August 9, 2012

Funny Friday


Something came up in conversation the other day about the Isle of Wight, an English island located in the English Channel and separated from the mainland by a strait called the Solent.  It brought to mind the only thing I know about the Isle of Wight, an old joke:  What’s dirty and brown, and comes out of Cowes backwards?  Answer: the Isle of Wight ferry.  The humour lies in the play on words, Cowes being a seaside town on the island.  The joke falls a bit flat in the written format in that the spelling of Cowes is immediately visible.  It really is a spoken joke.

Not so for the following bits of bovine banter, but be warned, they are also bawdy . . .

A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this" said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That’s when I made my mistake." "What did you do?", asked the doctor. "Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, "Hey! This looks like yours!" 

Sam shyly eyed Susie as they watch his father's bull and her father's cow.

"I wish I was doin' that!" he blurted.

"Why don't you, Sam," said Susie. "After all, it's your cow."

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.

His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with her left foot so I tied up her left to a pole. 

I began to fill up the bucket again and she kicked it down with her right foot, so I tied her right to a pole too.

As soon as I finished milking her again she knocked down the bucket with her tail and I took off my belt and tied up her tail with my belt. 

As I was tying up her tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain!

A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name. "Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y." "But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked. "None survived the branding." 

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