Recently I had to attend a function with my son, Thomas, and I wanted to aim att getting there a bit early. I always figure that if you aim to be early, then you have a safety margin if you are delayed in any way. Thomas doesn't see it that way, however, and said “Why do you want to go that early?” My response to that question is always: “You don’t want to get an ugly one, do you?”
That is part of an old joke, which is posted below. Some others in the same vein or locale follow.
A young army sergeant was posted to the deserts of Arabia by the French Foreign Legion. After a few days he became restless and asked his officer what form of entertainment took place in the camp -- where were all the women and bars and so forth.
The officer replied, "Just be patient and wait until the camels arrive."
So the young sergeant waited patiently for several days more and inquired again and the officer replied, "For heaven's sake, just wait until the camels arrive."
The next night there was an almighty rush, all the soldiers came running out of their tents yelling and screaming.
The young sergeant grabbed the officer and asked, "What is going on?"
"The camels are coming!" replied the officer.
"But why the great rush?"
"Well you don't want to get an ugly one, do you?"
A new lieutenant in the French Foreign Legion arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him quarters, he asks the corporal, "The base is rather isolated, what do the men do for female companionship?" The corporal replies, "On Fridays, they let us use the camels." The lieutenant is disgusted, but says nothing. After a few weeks, however, the new officer is very lonely. He decides that if everyone else is doing it, why shouldn't he. The next Friday the young lieutenant slinks over to the camel pens and, after looking around, drops his pants and starts humping a female camel. The camel is not amused and makes a huge uproar. The same corporal comes in to investigate. "Lieutenant! What are you doing?" "Come on man," replied the embarrassed officer, "You yourself told me we could use the camels on Fridays." "Yes sir," replied the corporal. "But we normally just use the camels to ride to the nearest brothel."
Corn Corner #1:
The French Foreign Legion have been lost in the desert for 9 days and their water supplies have run out, when they come to the brow of a sand dune and look down into the valley onto a small town.
Expecting it to be a mirage, the Captain, 2nd officer and the rest of the men trudge wearily down the side of the hill. To their delight, however, the town is real and a small caravan of nomadic tribesmen has set up a market.
The Legionnaires enter the market, hoping to quench their first. They go to the first stall and the captain says to the stall holder "We are the French Foreign Legion and we have been lost in the desert for 9 days. We must have water and will pay any price."
The nomad simply shrugs his shoulders and says "I have no water. I have only sponge cake."
Disappointed, the Legionnaires move to the next stall and the Captain again demands "We are the French Foreign Legion and we have been lost in the desert for 9 days. We must have water and will pay any price."
The second stall holder simply shrugs and says "Alas, I have no water. All I have is cold custard."
The Legionnaires decide to try the third stall and, once again, the Captain accosts the nomadic tribesman minding the stall and demands "We are the French Foreign Legion and we have been lost in the desert for 9 days. We must have water and will pay any price."
The third stall holder shakes his head slowly with a frown on his face. "I have no water to sell", he says, "All I have is strawberry jelly".
Despairing, the Legionnaires try the final stall. Again, the Captain demands water from the stallholder and again the tribesman cannot oblige. "Alas, my stall has only whipped cream for sale. That, and little multi-coloured sprinkles. I have no water."
The Legionnaires give up hope at this point and decide to set off in search of water at an oasis or another town. As they walk back up the hill, out of the valley and away from the market, the Captain turns to his 2nd officer and asks "Is it just me or did you find that a little odd, Number Two?"
To which the 2nd officer replies: "It was a trifle bazaar, sir!"
Corn Corner #2:
If a one hump camel married a two hump camel and they had a baby camel with no hump, what would they name it?