Friday, September 18, 2015

Funny Friday


Arrr, ahoy, mateys!

Tomorrow be International Talk Like a Pirate Day so the theme for Funny Friday today be pirates.  Enjoy, me hearties . . .

(You be rememberin’ that Mick, when you be doin’ your moot in the Supreme Court tomorrow).

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This has been previously posted but is worth repeating:

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye.

Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said, "Come over here friend. You look like you've had a hard life and I'd like to buy you a drink." The pirate came over and ordered rum.

"Just out of curiosity," the man said, "how did you lose your leg?"

"Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that timber to a tiger shark in the Caribbean when I was thrown overboard for stealing a man's rum."

"That's just terrible. How did you lose your hand?" the man said.

"Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that fighting cannibals off Madagascar under Admiral Hawk."

"Oh my!" the man said, "I can't even imagine! How did you lose your eye?"

"Arrrgh! A seagull pooped in it!" said the pirate.

"A seagull!" the man exclaimed. "Is seagull poop dangerous?!" he asked.

"Nay, matey, it was me first day with the hook..."

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A pirate goes to the doctor, worried the moles on his back are cancerous

"It's okay," says the Doctor "They're benign"

"Count 'em again Doc" says the pirate. "I reckon there be at least ten"

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What's this?

R
RR
RRR
RRRR

A pirate eye chart.

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I spoke to a Chinese bloke in the pub the other night. I asked him what he does for a living and he said, "I'm a Pirate."

I said, "Oh, you sail on a boat."

He replied, "No, I fry pranes!"

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I bought a DVD last night, it was so blurry I had to watch it with one eye closed...

It must be a Pirate.

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These were going to be this week's Corn Corner but I then decided that you might OD on pirate jokes.

What's a pirate's favourite letter?
You may think it's "Arrr" but, nay, his first love be the "C".

To Err is human.
To Arrrr is Pirate.


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Corn Corner:

I went to the doctor. I said to him: "I'm frightened of lapels." He said: "You've got cholera."

My chemistry teacher used to flash at the periodic table, eventually he was sacked for exposing himself to the elements. 

I've just got back from a friend's funeral. He died after he was hit in the head by a tennis ball. It really was a wonderful service.






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