Friday, December 18, 2015

Funny Friday

The obvious theme for today's Funny Friday is Christmas.

The day after Christmas, I had a guy knock on my door, trying to preach to me about Jesus, saying how I should repent for my sins. 

My 10-year-old son was still excited and ran to the door shouting "Santa Claus came to my house!"

The man looked at me and said "Isn't he a bit old to believe that there's an invisible man in the sky, watching everything you do, judging whether you're good or bad?"

I looked at him and asked "Sorry, which church were you from again?"

I went to the garden centre today and bought a Christmas tree. 

The assistant asked me, "Will you be putting that up yourself?"

I replied, "No, you sick bastard. I'll be putting it up in my living room."

The 4 stages of life: 

1. You believe in Santa Claus 

2. You don't believe in Santa Claus 

3. You dress up as Santa Claus 

4. You look like Santa Claus

Why is Santa Claus always smiling?

Because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth fairy etc.

Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that shit anymore, thank God.

A young boy is out riding his brand new bicycle when he is stopped by a police officer riding a horse. The policeman says to the boy, "Did Santa Claus bring you that new bike for Christmas?" 

The boy says, "He sure did." The policeman responds by saying with a grin, "Well next year, tell Santa to bring you a taillight for that bike. Here's a bicycle safety violation ticket for $25."

The boy asks the cop, "So did Santa bring you that horse for Christmas?"

The policeman jokingly says, "Yes he did."

The boy responds, "Well next year tell Santa to put the prick under the horse instead of on top!"


A reindeer anus doorbell, I want one . . .

Corn Corner:

Sent to me by Graham . . .

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, come on baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

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