Monday, December 28, 2015

More Limericks (and not a single rude one)

______________________________

There was a young man who said "Damn! 
It is borne upon me that I am 
An engine that moves 
In predestinate grooves, 
I'm not even a bus, I'm a tram."
______________________________

There was a young lady called Wyatt 
Whose voice grew incredibly quiet, 
Until one day 
It just faded away . . .
______________________________

ON PROFESSOR COUE 

This very remarkable man 
Commends a most practical plan: 
You can do what you want 
If you don't think you can't,
So don't think you can't, think you can.

(Emile Coue [1857-1926] was a French psychotherapist who claimed that if one imagined one was getting better, one would get better. His method was referred to as conscious autosuggestion.)
______________________________

"If you're aristocratic," said Nietzsche, 
"It's thumbs up, you're OK. Pleased to mietzsche. 
If you're working-class bores, 
It's thumbs down and up yours! 
If you don't know your place, then I'll tietzsche."
______________________________

There once was an African Mau-Mau 
Who got into a terrible row-row; 
The cause of the friction 
Was his practising diction, 
Saying: "How-how now-now brown-brown cow-cow."
______________________________

Said a boy to his teacher one day: 
"Wright has not written 'rite' right, I say. " 
And the teacher replied, 
As the error she eyed: 
"Right! Wright, write 'write' right, right away!"
______________________________

(Beauchamp is pronounced both as “bewshum” and, as in the following limerick, “beach ‘em”)

A pretty young teacher named Beauchamp 
Said: "These awful boys, how shall I teauchamp? 
For they will not behave 
Although I look grave, 
And, with tears in my eyes, I beseauchamp."
______________________________

(Wemyss is pronounced “Weems”)

There was a young lady named Wemyss 
Who, it seems, was much troubled with dremyss; 
She would wake in the night 
And, in terrible fright, 
Shake the bemyss of the house with her scremyss.
______________________________

Miss Wemyss also features in another limerick:

The Honorable Winifred Wemyss 
Saw styli and snakes in her dremyss; 
And these she enjeud, 
Until she heard Freud 
Utter: "Nothing is quite what it semyss!"

(Styli is the plural form of stylus, a writing implement such as a pen, and a shaping tool. Freud believed that the snake was a phallic symbol and that dreaming of snakes [and I suppose pen shaped objects] represented subconscious sexual desire).


No comments:

Post a Comment