Funny Friday comes to you today on Thursday, tomorrow being Christmas Day. It doesn’t seem right to post items of a risqué nature on Christmas Day. Not on Christmas Eve either, if it comes to that, I suppose.
Here are some items from the past, including some of a religious nature.
Have a happy Funny Thursday, readers.
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbours were Catholic.... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass.....and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said,
"You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."
Bubba's neighbours were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighbourhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbours, and as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat as he chanted:
"You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."
A woman went to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
"What denomination?" asked the clerk.
"Oh, my goodness! Have we come to this?" said the woman.
"Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic!"
A zoo-keeper noticed that the monkey was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's The Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the monkey "Why are you reading both those books"?
"I want to know, said the monkey, "whether I am my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
Bacon proves God has a sense of humour.
He invents the greatest meat in the world, then bans His chosen people from eating it.
God used to create universes and flood the entire Earth. Now he appears on toast.
Anyone else less than impressed with the Almighty’s recent behavior?
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said "Unfortunately, there’s only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair – no matter how big they are."
LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
So it’s the eve before Christmas Day . .
Trees, carols, gifts, Santa and sleigh,
Holidays, we commit utterly
To drinking and to gluttony . . .
Is it not someone or other’s birthday?
I bought a thesaurus today, and when I got home, I found out all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how pissed off I am......
A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to the bartender “Is this stool taken?”
We're all brave until we realise the cockroach has wings.
A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of accordion players. They called ground control with a list of demands. Then they told the negotiator if their demands aren't met they will release one accordion player an hour.