Thursday, December 6, 2018

Funny Friday


Christmas is coming,
The geese are getting fat.
Today is Funny Friday
And Bytes is where it's at.

Ok, it's not Shakespeare but it makes clear that, to paraphrase Game of Thrones, Christmas is coming.

Today's Funny Friday contains a smattering of Christmas humour, and I'll begin by posting my favourite Christmas cartoon, one that perfectly captures the spirit and feeling of this time of the year . . . 


“I love you loads, honey pie,” my wife said earlier. 
“And I love you tonnes.” I replied. 
“What, no nickname for me?” she asked, disappointed. 
Sometimes I swear the she’s going deaf. 

I remember my teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn’t get me anywhere. 

Did I have a smug look on my face later on in life when I handed him his burger and fries at the drive through. 

A guy is rushed to Emergency with a Sunbeam steam iron up his backside, 

"Good grief, " said the doctor, "I thought I'd seen it all, how on Earth did you manage that?" 

"Well," said the chap, "it happened just after my wife opened her birthday present." 

Finest of Funny Friday: 

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with five young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed. 

To the first mother, Mary, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.” 

He turned to the second Mum, Ann: “Your obsession is with money. It manifests itself in your children's names, Penny, Goldie and Frank.” 

He turned to the third Mum, Joyce: “Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your children's names: Brandy and Sherry. You even called the cat Whisky." 

He then turned to the fourth Mum, June: “Your obsession is with flowers. Your girls are called Rose, Daphne & Poppy.” 

At this point, the fifth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, “Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's go pick up Fanny and Willy and go home.” 

Two young boys go into a chemists, pick up a box of Tampax and go to the counter. The woman says to the older boy "How old are you?" "Eight" he replies. The woman says "Do you know how these are used?" The boy replies “No, not exactly, but they're not for me, they're for him, he's my brother, he's four. We saw the ad on TV and it said with these you'll be able to swim and ride a bike and he can't do either!" 



Corn Corner: 

I went to the doctor as I had eaten a load of Christmas decorations and started to feel unwell. 

"I can see what the problem is," said the doctor. 

“You’re suffering from a mild case of tinselitus.” 

My elderly neighbour has just wished me a Merry Christmas.. 

He's obviously suffering with premature congratulation. 

A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. 

The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you." 

The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?"

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