Friday, April 16, 2021

FUNNY FRIDAY

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Some humour for the end of the week and, as usual, a caution that there is risqué content ahead.

This week they're all short jokes and items.  

Stay safe, readers.

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SOME HUMOUR:
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I hate ladders, my father fell off one and died, I'll never forget his last words,

"Stop shaking the ladder you little shit"
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I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit?

I said no.

Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.
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The worst thing about this pandemic is all the restaurants apparently using lower quality ingredients to save money.

I'll keep eating out every day, but I haven't been able to taste anything for weeks.
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Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book.

Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.
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I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She leaned over and whispered, "They're right behind you. . ."
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Don't give me excuses, I wrote the book on excuses!

Well, I started to, I mean, it’s hard, and I’ve got a lot to do...

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FROM THE VAULT:

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"Cute, cute, but can it pick up peanuts?"
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What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck.

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

(Note: Worcester is pronounced “Wooster” in England)

In the quaint English village of Worcester
Lived a little red hen and a rooster.
A coquettish glance
She acquired in France
Gave him ance in his pance, and he goosed her.

Some alternatives:

A sensitive lady from Worcester
At a ball met a fellow who gorcester;
A lecherous guy
With blood in his uy.
So she ducked out before he sedorcester.

There was a young lady of Worcester
Who complained that too many men gorcester.
So she traded her scanties
For sandpaper panties,
Now they goose her much less than they yorcester.

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GALLERY:




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CORN CORNER:
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A man was admitted to the hospital today with 20 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.

Doctors have described his condition as stable.
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My wife just nudged me and said, "You weren't even listening, were you?"

I thought, that's a strange way to start a conversation.
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I’ve got the world's best homing pigeon.

How do I know he's the best? I've sold him 87 times this week.
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Why is it so hard to get a qsn stick in the right way?

Shit ! I mean a usb stick !
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My waiter asked me how I like my steak.

So I told him “I like my steak like me winning an argument with my wife.”

So the waiter said “Rare it is.”
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My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month.

It’s part of her minstrel cycle.

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