Friday, November 6, 2015

Funny Friday



I will be away from my computer for a few days so there won't be any Bytes over the weekend.


It's been a big Melbourne Cup event this year - 5 guys kick in to buy a share in a horse with the intention of running it in some country meetings but end up winning The Cup with a female jockey. There's a movie in there.

That also sets the theme for this Funny Friday: racing, and it's related activities.

My wife and daughter are leaving because of my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!

* * * * * * * *

If Horse Racing is the sport of Kings, is Drag Racing the sport of Queens?

* * * * * * * *

A young jockey and his stable lass girlfriend make the decision to get married. 

After the wedding and reception, the couple go to a hotel to check in.

The lady behind the desk asks ‘Would you like the bridal suite?' 

'No thanks,’ says the jockey ‘I'll just hold her ears till she gets the hang of it!'

* * * * * * * *

A Melbourne cad driver picked up a well-to do oriental businessman from the airport. On the trip into Melbourne he told the driver he had flown over from Singapore to back one of the horses he owned in a race at Flemington. His trainer told him that this was the big one and he was positive the horse would win at a big price. Being an obssesive gambler the cabbie couldn't wait from him to tell him the name of the horse. After he paid the fare he slipped him a note with the horses name : ¬/∈`#<,`∂`¬ 

* * * * * * * *

A leading trainer was given an eye test and was presented with a new pair of glasses. The optician said they would cost $500. "Too much!" cried the trainer. "They're bi-focal" said the optician. "I don't care if they're by Phar Lap. It's too much." 

* * * * * * * *

The trainer was giving last minute instructions to the jockey and appeared to slip something into the horse's mouth just as a steward walked by. "What was that?" inquired the steward. "Oh nothing" said the trainer, "just a polo". He offered one to the steward and had one himself. After the suspicious steward had left the scene the trainer continued with his instructions "Just keep on the rail. You are on a certainty. The only thing that could possibly pass you down the home straight is either the steward or me". 

* * * * * * * *

A young boy told his mother that his father had taken him to the zoo. The mother couldn't believe it. She said, "Your father has never taken anyone to the zoo in his whole life." The boy said, "He did, and one of the animals paid fifty dollars!"

* * * * * * * *

Some Cup pics . . .

. . . and who will ever forget this classic moment from the 2014 Melbourne Cup? . . .

Corn Corner:

Riding the favourite at Cheltenham, the jockey is well ahead of the field. Suddenly he’s hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages. 

He manages to keep control of his mount and pulls back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he goes over the last fence. 

With great skill he manages to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he’s struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding. 

Thus distracted, he succeeds in coming only second. He immediately goes to the stewards to complain that he has been seriously hampered.

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