Friday, November 27, 2015

Funny Friday



It’s Funny Friday again.

Events in the world have been far from funny of late, perhaps they always have been, maybe we just report the bad stuff more (and more sensationally) now. That makes it all the more important to pause momentarily and have a laugh.

Enjoy.

(Caution: there is some risque content.)
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Two sisters, one blond and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble….

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, ‘When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.’

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.

The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, ‘I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch and I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.’

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realises that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, ‘I want you to send her the word ‘comfortable.’

The operator shakes his head. ‘How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word ‘comfortable?’

The brunette explains, ‘My sister’s blonde. The word is big. She’ll read it very slowly… ‘com-for-da-bul.’
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A hooded armed robber bursts into the Bank of Italy and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave customer grabs the robber’s hood and pulls it off, revealing the robber’s face. The robber shoots the guy dead without hesitation! 

He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. He sees one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber walks over and calmly shoots him dead. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor. 

“Did anyone elsa seea my face?” calls the robber.

There follows a tense minute of silence. An elderly Italian gentleman, tentatively raises his hand and says, “I thinka my wife caught a glimpse.”
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Boss to Blonde: “If I gave you $5 Million minus 10%, how much will you take off?”

Blonde: “Everything Sir … shoes, dress, bra, panties … absolutely flippin’ everything!”
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An Emergency Call Centre worker in London, England, has been sacked, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her dismissal.

It seems a male caller dialled 999 from a mobile phone stating, “I am depressed and lying here on a railway line. I am waiting for the train to come so that I can finally meet Allah.” 

“Remain calm and stay on the line,” was not considered to be an appropriate response.
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