Thursday, August 27, 2015

And still more limericks

Caution: risque humour.

Said Queen Isabella of Spain,
“I like it now and again.
But I wish to explain
That by ‘now and again’
I mean now, and AGAIN and AGAIN.”

There was a young man from Calcutta
Who had an unfortunate stutter.
He said “P-p-p-please
Would you p-pass the cheese
And the b-b-b-b-b-b-butter."

On the chest of a barmaid at Yale
Were tattooed the prices of ale
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was the same ㏌format—én in Braille.

There was a young man from the War Office
Who got into bed with a whore of his.
She took off her drawers
With many a pause,
But the chap from the War Office tore off his.

One Saturday morning at three
A cheesemonger's shop in Paree
Collapsed to the ground,
With a thunderous sound,
Leaving only a pile of de brie.

A chap they all call Aloysius,
Of his wife and a guy grew syspysius.
And quicker than you'd think
He found them by the sink
But they were only doing the dysius.

There was once a choleric Colonel
Whose oaths were obscene and infolonel.
As the chaplain aghast,
Gave up protest at last,
But wrote it all down in his jolonel.

In Wall Street a girl called Irene
Made an offering somewhat obscene;
She stripped herself bare
And offered a share
To Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner & Beane.

(For the benefit of Oz readers, Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner & Beane was a large American investment banking and brokerage firm. In 1941, Fenner & Beane merged with what was then known as Merrill Lynch, E.A. Pierce and Cassatt to become Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner & Beane. In 1957, Merrill discontinued the use of the name Beane, replacing it with Smith in recognition of Winthrop H. Smith, a longtime chief of the firm.)

And, a personal favourite, that has been previously posted in Bytes . . .

Ethnologists up with the Sioux

Wired home for two punts, one canoe. 
The answer next day Said, 
"Girls on the way, 
But what the hell's a 'panoe'?"

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