Friday, July 5, 2019

Funny Friday


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Today's Funny Friday is a little shorter than usual due to my being pressed for time.  I hope you get a few giggles, chortles and chickles nonetheless.

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A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. As they came to a muddy part of the road, their car got stuck.

While trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen. He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $20. They accepted and minutes later the car was free.

The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."

The husband looked around at the vast fields and asked the farmer, "When do you have time to plow your land? At night?"

"Nope," the farmer replied, "Night's when I put the water in the hole!"
  
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From the vault:


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Also from the vault: 

A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. 

Good day, Madame. How may we help you today? 

Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price." 

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Limerick of the Week: 

There was a young lady from Exeter, 
So pretty that men craned their necks at her. 
One was even so brave 
As to take out and wave 
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her. 

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Corn Corner: 

I'd like to be glow worm, 
A glow worm's never glum. 
It's hard to be downhearted 
When the sun shines out your bum!\ 

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What do you call a donkey with one leg? 
A wonky donkey 

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye? 
A winky wonky donkey 

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love? 
A bonky winky wonky donkey 

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind? 
A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey 

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes? 
A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey 

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes and playing piano? 
A plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey 

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes, playing piano and driving a Truck? 

FUCKING TALENTED!




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