. . . so enjoy the end of the week and the weekend.
I was in a restaurant once and I suddenly realised I desperately needed to pass gas.
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my reliefs to the beat of the music.
After just a few songs I started to feel better.
I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me...
That was when I remembered I was listening to my iPod.
From the vault:
Saint Peter is watching the gates of Heaven, but he really has to go to the bathroom. He asks Jesus to watch the gates for a few minutes, and Jesus agrees.
As Jesus is standing there, he sees an old man leading a donkey up from Earth to Heaven. He notices the old man has carpenter's tools with him. When the old man gets to the gates, Jesus asks him to describe his life and explain why he feels he should be admitted into Heaven.
The man explains, "In English, my name would be Joseph, but I didn't live in America or England. I lived a modest life, making things out of wood. I'm not remembered very well by most people, but almost everyone has heard of my son. I call him my son, but I was more of a Dad to him -- he really didn't come into this world in the usual way.
I sent my son out to be among the people of the World. He was ridiculed by many, and was even known to associate himself with some pretty unsavory characters, although he himself tried to be honest and perfect. My single biggest reason for trying to get into Heaven is to be re-united with my son."
Jesus is awe-struck by the man's story. He looks into the old man's eyes and asks, "Father?"
The old man's face brightens; he looks at Jesus, and asks, "Pinocchio?"
Limerick of the Week:
A mortician who practiced in Fife
Made love to the corpse of his wife.
"How could I know, Judge ?
She was cold, dinna budge,
Just the same as she acted in life."
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
I asked my wife why she married me.
She said “Because you are funny.”
I said “I thought it was because I was good in bed.”
She said “See? You’re hilarious!”
I was thinking...
If a parent is trying to put his child to sleep and the child is refusing, wouldn’t it be illegal because technically the child is resisting a rest?
But then I realized it’s a lose-lose situation and it’s illegal either way because if the child willingly goes to sleep it makes it a kid napping.
Thanks to the person who helped me translate 'mucho' earlier!
It means a lot.
I want to get 99 dudes together to sing Africa by Toto,
Because that's something that 100 men or more could never do.