Friday, September 27, 2019

Funny Friday

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Discussing the matter of memory with someone today also gave me the theme for today’s Funny Friday, so have some fun with . . . with . . . whatever. 

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Some jokes about memory . . . 

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A man and his family walk into a bar. Inside of the bar, the man's youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating "World's longest memory". 

The child walks up and decides to test if this sign is true. 

The child asks, "What did you have for breakfast 30 years ago?" 

The Native American states "Eggs." 

The child states that the native could have just made that up, and then later leaves the bar. 

Years later, when the child returns back with his own family he sees the same native at the bar. 

Walking up to the man, he states a stereotypical, "How?!" 

The Native replies, "Scrambled." 

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A naturopathic doctor opens up a wellness clinic 
He puts a sign outside that says 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED, GET BACK $100.' 
A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic. 
Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste." 
Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth." 
Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene." 
Doctor: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20." 
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money. 
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything." 
Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth." 
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste." 
Doctor: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20." 
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100. 
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all." 
Doctor: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100." 
Lawyer (staring at the bill): "But this is $20, not $100!!" 
Doctor: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20." 

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What do we want? 
Better memory!! 
When do we want it? 
Want what?? 

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Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" 

The man thought for a moment and answered, "274." 

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" 

"Tuesday," replies the second man. 

The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" 

The third man quickly answers, "Nine." 

"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" 

"Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday." 

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From the vault . . . 

A group of guys, all aged about 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch 

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitresses there were pretty. 

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch.Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was good and the wine selection was excellent. 

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean. 

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had an elevator. 

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before. 

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Limerick of the week . . . 

There was a young lady from Thrace, 
Whose corsets grew too tight to lace. 
Her mother said, "Nelly, 
There's more in your belly, 
Than ever went in through your face!" 

Alternative version: 

There was a young lady of Louth, 
Who returned from a trip in the South; 
Her father said: ‘Nelly, 
There’s more in your belly 
Than ever went in at your mouth.’ 

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Gallery . . . 









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Corn Corner . . . 

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting. 

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair." 

"What I want you to do," the man continued, "is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong." 

So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

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My dad suffers from short term memory loss... 

I hope it doesn't run in the family because my dad has it too. 

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My earliest childhood memory is going to the eye doctor when I was 8. 

Life before that is a blur.


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