Friday, February 1, 2019

Funny Friday


Another cocktail of humour this week to set you on the path for an enjoyable weekend. 

I will be away for a few days, Bytes will return on Monday, inckluding with Brett’s Monthly. 

Happy trails, campers. 

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin. 

The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighbourhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst. "Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them." 

"Well, you did real good, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven." 

In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then. One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Finally one day, he just smiled and handed them this sheet. 

The copier is out of order! 

Yes, we have called the service man. 

Yes, he will be in today. 

No, we cannot fix it. 

No, we do not know how long it will take. 

No, we do not know what caused it. 

No, we do not know who broke it. 

Yes, we are keeping it. 

No, we do not know what you are going to do now. 

Thank You 

From Bored Panda at: 

Foreign Student Hospitalized In China Gets Note From Nurse Who Doesn’t Speak English, And The Comments Crack Us Up 

Language mix-ups and misunderstandings can make for hilarious travel anecdotes - but not when they happen at a hospital. An international student was hospitalized in China and fell under the care of a nurse that didn't speak English. Understanding the importance of getting the proper medical information across to her patient, she used some creativity to write him a detailed note that used some pretty frighting graphics. 

Reddit user under the username of WaspDog, uploaded the note and internet users went wild. To her credit if you know the context her message is clear: the patient has surgery tomorrow and tonight they can't have food or water after 10 pm. But of course, that didn't stop people from coming up with their own hilarious interpretations. Scroll down below to see what people came up with . . . . 

Here are some of the reader comments from WaspDog’s website: 

Worst fortune cookie ever 

    I don't know I say it's got a good chance of coming true 

Don't miss it, that's 8 am SHARP 

Without context it looks like a note of someone stranded somewhere with no food or water, and they're just gonna end their suffering at a specific time for some reason 

Probably should have drawn a scalpel and not a bloody kitchen knife... 

    what's the difference anyway 

    It takes a lot longer to cut a loaf of bread with a scalpel. 

    And it's a lot harder to create precise incisions in a human with a kitchen knife. 

    Jack the Ripper would like a word with you 

    Jack the Ripper was notorious for his sloppiness. 

    He should have used a scalpel. 

    He’s called Jack the Ripper,not the Precise Incisioner 

    But then he'd be Jack the Surgeon. 

Not if you're skilled enough. 

Skill does not affect relative difficulty in this instance. It's more akin to "it's harder to lift 100 kg than to lift 20 kg". Yes, you can train so that it's not so hard to lift 100 kg, but it is still easier to lift the 20 kg. 

But then African swallows are non-migratory 

    So they wouldn't be able to bring a coconut back anyway. 

In chinese we say 开刀 which literally translates into "open/start knife" which means beginning surgery. so that’s probably why 

    Not sure how is it in Chinese but in Polish there is phrase "idziesz pod nóż" which mean "you are going under knife" and it's used in context of operation. 

     Same exact phrase in English 

A drawing of a scalpel would look too much like a paint brush with red paint on it. The nurse probably just wanted to avoid mistakenly telling the guy he had to paint a still life of food and water without any red color for $22.00. 

For those that need a translation: Tonight after 10pm no eating or drinking. Tommorow at 8am you will be murdered. 

    It's always nice to have an organized murderer, you get exactly what you're expecting. 

    And you know not to make any plans. You know how annoying it is to be murdered and then have a meeting 10 minutes later 

    Beats getting murdered 10 minutes after the meeting. 

"Quick, Bob, hand me that red sharpie. I need to make the blood on this knife really pop..." 

People commenting about the nurse knowing certain words but not food or water in English, but I think she just wanted an excuse to draw (and images are universally understood anyway) because those little sketches are cute lol! 

    God forbid you to want to have some fun in life. 

Limerick of the Week: 

There was a young girl in the choir 
Whose voice rose hoir and hoir, 
Till it reached such a height 
It was clear out of sight, 
And they found it next day in the spoir. 

Corn Corner: 

Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynaecologist? 

A: One looks up your family tree, the other looks up your family bush. 

A man walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. 

The librarian says "They're right behind you!" 

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

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