Two iterms

_______________

Words that have different meanings to men and women:

Communication -- n. 

Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. 

Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. 

Vulnerable -- adj. 

Female: Fully opening one's self emotionally to another person. 

Male: Playing football without adequate protection. 

Commitment -- n. 

Female: A desire to marry and raise a family. 

Male: Not hitting on other women while out with this one. 

Entertainment -- n. 

Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. 

Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer. 

Thingy -- n. 

Female: Any part under a car's hood. 

Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 

Remote control -- n. 

Female: A device for changing one TV channel to another. 

Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every five minutes. 

Flatulence -- n. 

Female: An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. 

Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding. 

_______________

From John P: 

TEXT MESSAGE TO NEIGHBOUR: 

Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door. I’ve got a confession to make. 

I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. 

At least I’m telling you in this text and I can’t live with myself a minute longer without you knowing about this. 

The truth is that when you’re not around I’ve been sharing your wife, day and night. In fact, probably much more than you. 

I haven’t been getting it at home recently and I know that that’s no excuse. 

The temptation was just too great. I can’t live with the guilt and hope you’ll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. 

Please suggest a fee for usage and I’ll pay you. 

Regards, 

Richard 

NEIGHBOUR’S RESPONSE: 

Fred, feeling so angered and betrayed, grabbed his gun and shot Richard, killing him. He went back home and poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. 

Fred then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Richard. 

SECOND TEXT MESSAGE: 

Hi, Fred. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. 

I expect you figured it out and noticed that the Auto-Correct had changed “wi-fi” to “wife.” Technology, huh? 

It’ll be the death of us all. 

Regards, 

Richard